Quick and Practical Advice to Help You Stop Binge Eating (Part IV)

I am continuing my blog series to provide quick inspiration and practical advice about a variety of issues that may come up for you in binge eating recovery. (You can read additional advice in Part I, Part II, Part III)

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Not binge eating is a gift to yourself

The binge urges will make you feel like binge eating is a gift—that it’s what you “want, need, and deserve.” Your thoughts will tell you that the binge will provide “excitement, pleasure, escape, relief”…

But you know by now that the binge doesn’t deliver on what the urge promises. Not only does it bring pain, shame, stress, and isolation, it takes you away from yourself, your life, and the people and causes you care about. In the moment of an urge, you may think that what’s you want, but when you step back and think about who you are and who you want to be, you realize that dismissing the urge is the true gift to yourself.

When you don’t binge, you open yourself up to truly experiencing life, even the most challenging parts, and connecting with everything that matters to you.

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Separate from the dieting voice

It’s usually easier for a binge eater to see that the binge urges are not from their higher self, but they hold on to the belief that the voice encouraging restrictive dieting is their true voice.” – Brain over Binge Recovery Guide, pg. 96

In order to quit binge eating, it’s vital to stop depriving yourself of necessary nourishment. If you are having trouble eating enough food, it could be because the harmful dieting mindset has become as much of a habit as the binge eating. Once you spend enough time on restrictive diets, or engaging in excessive exercise, the voice encouraging those behaviors can be intrusive and incessant as well.

It’s important to start to separate from that dieting voice—knowing that depriving yourself of necessary food is not an effective way to lose weight and will prevent recovery from binge eating. Even if dieting feels like what you truly want to do, you can unlearn the harmful restrictive behaviors and give yourself the nourishment you need to end the eating disorder and thrive

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Using success to justify a binge

Do you experience this common binge-encouraging thought?
I’ve done so well, one binge isn’t a big deal, it will be easy to get back on track.

Although success breeds success, your lower brain may sometimes try to use your success to justify a binge. You may notice that after a certain number of binge-free days, your lower brain starts producing thoughts telling you that you should take a “break” from recovering.

Not acting on these thoughts is vital to your success. Remind yourself that your success doesn’t mean you deserve a binge; it means you are one step closer to solidifying new neural pathways that no longer support binge eating, and that is what you truly deserve

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Wanting to not binge

When you feel like you are forcing yourself to avoid a binge, it feels hard. It feels like you’re denying yourself something you actually want.
When you feel this way, think about this…

What if by bingeing, you are actually denying yourself something you truly want—which is to not binge.

You wouldn’t be reading this blog post if binge eating was something you really wanted in your life. If it was your true desire, you would be enjoying it, not experiencing any consequences, and definitely not seeking recovery resources.

Even though you may be able to see this rationally, the problem is—in the moments when urges are present—you forget, and you believe the lower brain.

The remedy for this is to develop a mindset of wanting to dismiss the binge urges. Channel the belief that you are choosing to accept any discomfort the urge brings because you want to avoid the binge. When your lower brain tries to make you feel sorry for yourself that you can’t binge, remind yourself that it’s not that you can’t, it’s that you want to make this change.

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Lack of motivation during urges?

I want to share something that came up in 1:1 coaching last week that I believe would benefit everyone to hear:

It’s okay to feel unmotivated during urges. 

It’s normal to feel like you don’t want to dismiss the urge, it’s expected that you’ll feel like a binge is appealing in that moment, it’s a given that you’ll temporary not care about your reasons for recovery. This does not actually mean that you lack motivation, it just means the urges are passing through. When that primitive, pleasure-seeking, lower-brain state is in charge, you are in a different mindset than when you are feeling rational and inspired to recover.

The goal during urges is not motivation, it’s acceptance of whatever feelings, thoughts, sensations, and desires arise, while knowing you aren’t going to act on them. For example, you may feel sad or depressed that you can’t binge, but that’s okay. Try to stay as detached as possible from those feelings, knowing that the sadness will lift and you’ll be so happy you didn’t binge.

When the urges pass, you’ll again connect with your motivation and your desire to be free of this habit!

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What about distracting yourself?

Distraction can have a place. You can do countless things during an urge, and there is no right or wrong here.

But when it comes to distraction, know that no alternate activity can satisfy the urge to binge.

This is something you’ve probably experienced and it’s completely normal. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or the activities you are choosing. It’s just that those primal, habitual brain pathways are calling for a binge, not any other option.

The important thing to remember about doing something else during an urge is that the goal of doing something else is not to make the urge go away. The urge has to naturally go away on its own, and you can do whatever uniquely helps you allow the urge to pass.

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Did you “fail” or just eat?

You may have “I failed” or “I’ve blown it” thoughts after eating treats or other delicious foods. It’s important to step back and realize that these are thoughts and not objective indicators, and it’s possible to have different thoughts.

Someone else might eat in the exact same way that you do, and they think it was “delicious” or “amazing” or “wonderfully filling,” or just “okay” or maybe even “a bit too much.” Then, they move on with their life, focusing on other things, while you are thinking that you did something awful by eating in that same way.

If you have subjective food rules for yourself, and you don’t follow one of the food rules—then you simply did not follow one of your subjective food rules. That’s all that’s happened. You can move on from it, realizing that there is no one right way to eat anyway. It doesn’t mean you’ve “failed,” and it especially doesn’t mean you should go on and do something more harmful (like continue overeating or bingeing). The thoughts that want to use “imperfect” eating as a justification to binge are neurological junk.

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Self-respect over feelings

I recently shared the following quote on Instagram and I want to explain how you can use it as you end harmful habits:

“Your self-respect has to be stronger than your feelings.” 

The quote is in reference to relationships (from Jimmy Knowles), but overcoming urges to binge is—in many ways—like pulling yourself away from an unhealthy or toxic relationship. You are going to feel like you want to engage in the habit at times (that’s just how the brain’s reward center works), just like you are going to sometimes feel attached to a person who you know is not right for you. But your self-respect can still win out.

Even when the habit seems appealing, you can know deeply that binge eating is not in line with who you are or who you want to be, just like you can know that a person you have feelings for is not aligned with what you truly need or want. It’s okay to feel a temporary sense of loss for the harmful habit or relationship, but always remember to put self-respect over feelings!

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This advice is taken from weekly emails I send to encourage recovery. If you’d like to receive my emails (and monthly newsletter) going forward, all you need to do is enter your email address on this page.

When you sign up, you also get the free “Brain over Binge Inspiration Booklet” and the free course track, “Manage Your Mindset After a Binge”.
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More help:

If you want extra guidance as you learn to give up binge eating, here are some resources for additional support:

One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.

Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.

Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.

Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.

Ep. 169: Overcoming “Yeah, Buts” (with Coach Julie)

Ep. 167: Healthy Goal Setting and Sustainable Change in the New Year (with Marcus Kain)

Ep. 165: Following Through in Recovery (with Coach Julie)

Ep. 163: Deprogramming Diet Culture (with Dr. Supatra Tovar)

treats in binge eating recovery

Can Treats Coexist with Binge Eating Recovery?

I wrote this blog post back in 2012, and I wanted to update it after an experience I had a few days ago while preparing for Halloween…

2012 post:

I eat Halloween candy. I also eat many other types of sweets and desserts in moderation. I don’t think continued recovery requires this, although it is extremely helpful to learn you aren’t powerless around any food. You may find that avoiding certain foods temporarily or even altogether works for you (and if you have a health condition, then elimination of specific foods may be a necessity). Even people without eating disorders sometimes choose to avoid a food because of the effect it has on them, or because it feels too difficult to stop eating it once they start. It’s up to you to decide the amount and frequency of treats and sweets in your life, and holidays can be an opportunity to determine how binge eating recovery and treats can coexist.

Halloween definitely got the best of me when I was bulimic. During my last year of college, I was struggling with frequent binges as Halloween approached, and I remember hesitantly buying a large bag of peanut butter cups for trick-or-treaters. I lived alone in a small duplex at the time, and I knew it was a possibility for me to get some kids knocking on my door on Halloween night. I didn’t have any other plans for Halloween, because at the time, my binge eating was causing so much shame and weight gain that I didn’t have much of a desire to be social.

When I bought the peanut butter cups, I knew it was a risk that I’d eat them all before Halloween. Sweets were dangerous to me. I was trying to recover at the time, and I went back and forth between trying to avoid sweets altogether and trying to learn to eat them in moderation—but neither strategy seemed to help. Sure enough, the day before Halloween, temptation took over and I ate all of the peanut butter cups during a binge. So, on Halloween night, I turned off my outside light, and didn’t answer the door.

Fast forward to today (2012), we often have candy or junk food in the house, and I don’t view it as dangerous at all, or even think much about it. Since I recovered in 2005, we’ve celebrated Halloween every year and kept candy in the house days beforehand for the trick-or-treaters. Then, after Halloween, my own kids’ trick-or-treating buckets have sat on the kitchen table—often for weeks—and I have a few pieces of candy here and there, but I don’t feel drawn to it like in the past.

I believe there are a few reasons for this change:

  • I haven’t dieted or restricted calories in many years. A food-deprived body and brain make food the top priority. When you aren’t eating enough, cravings increase, and the reward value of food skyrockets. Pleasurable food is much more tempting and gives you more of a “hit”. This is a survival response designed to encourage you to eat more, and this response can continue for a while after dieting stops—until the body/brain fully senses safety from deprivation. Then, it gradually turns the volume down on cravings, even in the presence of highly pleasurable food.
  • I learned to stop acting on urges to binge and problematic cravings, and therefore deconditioned the habit of overeating treats. I didn’t understand my cravings in college while bulimic. I thought my urges represented my true physical or emotional needs. When I recovered, I learned that urges to binge were a glitch in the primitive part of my brain, and I did not have to act on them. Once I ate candy or other treats in moderation many times, and experienced the urges to binge that followed—without acting on them—my brain changed and those urges went away.
  • I didn’t make the treats “forbidden” or think I was a failure for eating them. When I would eat candy as a bulimic, I would often tell myself it was the “last time” I would eat that particular food, and therefore I needed to eat all I could now and then “start over tomorrow” with a clean slate of eating perfection. I didn’t realize that thinking I would “never have the candy again” made me eat so much more of it than if I just believed what I believe now—that I can have more later, or tomorrow, or another day, if I want.

It’s not that I never experience a desire for more pleasurable food, but that desire has become so much more mild after recovery, and that desire is never for massive quantities or binges—which now seems like the opposite of pleasure. Sometimes eating a sweet like Halloween candy creates a craving for a few more bites, but that is just a natural part of being human with the pleasure-seeking brain that we have, and especially in the food environment that we live in. When faced with an inclination for a little more candy, I have a choice—to have a little extra or not—but no matter what choice I make, it never has to lead to harmful behaviors like bingeing or restricting.

Recovery doesn’t mean giving up on the pleasure and enjoyment of food, it means redefining your relationship with it.

2024 update:

Just a few days ago, nearly 20 years after my recovery from binge eating and about 12 years since I wrote the blog post above, my youngest son and I went shopping together. Halloween was approaching, so we bought a bag of peanut butter cups for trick-or-treaters. Just like in college, I likely chose that particular candy for the trick-or-treaters because peanut butter cups have always been my favorite Halloween candy. Unlike in college, I know I can eat some now without it being an issue at all, so buying them didn’t create any anxiety.

My son (well, actually, both of us:-)) decided to open the bag in the car on the way home to have one. We each unwrapped a peanut butter cup and took a bite, but to my surprise, my reaction was, “it’s not even that good.” It wasn’t awful, it just wasn’t anything special. I finished the one peanut butter cup, and I didn’t have any desire for another one, which I found odd because I usually want at least one more. As I type this, the bowl of leftover peanut butter cups is sitting on my kitchen table in front of me. It’s not due to a strong will that I’m not having any, it’s a genuine lack of desire. I’ve definitely had other pleasurable foods over the past few days, but not the peanut butter cups.

I’m sharing this blog post update to tell you the following insights that I hope will help with your own recovery and relationship to treats:

  • Your relationship to even your most challenging foods can change dramatically over time. You may think a food will always have power over you but stay open to the idea that this likely will not be the case. You can learn to incorporate these foods in a way that makes sense to you, and also take comfort in the fact that time naturally changes some of your preferences.
  • When you allow foods and allow yourself to truly listen to your taste and your body, you may discover some formerly tempting foods aren’t even that good. I’m sure if I would have eaten that same peanut butter cup a few days ago with the “forbidden food” mentality or the idea that I would “never have a peanut butter cup again,” I would have craved and wanted much more. An allowing mindset surrounding treats lets you tune into how you feel about them—before you eat them, while you are eating them, and after you’re done.
  • When you set aside the dieting mentality and approach sweets with a body that is well nourished, you gain the freedom to make genuine choices, instead of being driven by the survival instincts. When you are deprived of calories, you will feel such a strong pull from the primitive brain to eat excessive amounts, and you will have heightened cravings, which makes reasonable decisions around treats nearly impossible.

Related to these points, I read a social media post last week from Dr. Mark Hyman, in which he talked about how the ingredients in Halloween candy have changed over time to include more artificial additives and preservatives. It’s definitely possible that these chemical changes truly have made the peanut butter cups taste worse over time, which lead to my “it’s not even that good” reaction a few days ago. But, even if that is the case now, when I was a binge eater, I would have eaten the candy so quickly, mindlessly, and with so much guilt that I wouldn’t have even given myself the chance to notice if I was actually enjoying it or not.

Everyone’s experience and reaction to foods is different, and your journey will not be exactly like mine, but I’ve talked to enough recovered individuals over the years to know that my story surrounding treats is not unique. So many people have transformed their relationships with sweets and have had the experience of their most-craved desserts simply losing their allure. I hope this will give you some encouragement as we approach the holiday season so that you can find a balance that works as far as treats coexisting with your recovery.

Brain over Binge resources for more help:

Free Inspiration Booklet – The booklet contains 31 daily messages to help you stay focused and motivated each day as you let go of binge eating.

One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.

Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.

Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.

Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.

Ep. 161: Boundaries in Recovery (with Coach Julie)