What Makes Recovery “Work”?
I know a life free of binge eating is completely possible for you, but if you are like many binge eaters who I’ve spoken to over the years, you may have a hard time believing that right now. You may have searched for years for a cure, for something to “work,” for it all to just click so that you will no longer binge. You may feel exhausted and frustrated by the search.
You may be someone who has already read my books, and you could be thinking that the method I used “worked” for me rather quickly, so it should be the same for you. You may believe that if the concepts from my books do not work right away, then you need to look for a new approach that will work. It is certainly possible that another approach may be a better fit, but if you are someone who has jumped around from one approach to another, I want you to take a minute to think about what you believe makes a recovery method “work.”
If you are holding the common belief that a recovery method only works if it gets rid of your binge urges right away, or at least very quickly, this could create some problems for you in recovery. If ‘getting rid of the urges right away’ was the measure of a successful recovery method, then the Brain over Binge approach actually didn’t work for me either.
Seeing my binge urges as meaningless, powerless, and harmless neurological junk from my lower brain didn’t make those urges go away right away, or even all that quickly. The new mindset I had changed how I perceived my urges, and it rather dramatically made me feel my own ability not to act on them. But, the urges were still there for a while.
I had to avoid acting on every binge urge until they did completely go away – about 9 months from the time I adopted my new approach. Not once during those 9 months did I think “this isn’t working.” The reason for this was that I defined success not by whether or not I had urges, but by my ability not to act on them.
In the beginning of recovery, the binge urges came frequently…and I wasn’t perfect. There were two times when I did act on the urge. The first time, I heard those familiar, lower brain reasons why I should binge, I felt the familiar craving, and I mistakenly thought it was the real “me” who wanted to binge, and I acted on it. The second time I binged, I had much more awareness of what I was doing, but ultimately, I did still act on the urge.
When I acted on those two urges, I didn’t proceed to throw out the principles that I’d learned, because they didn’t “work.” I realized that in those specific instances, I had not applied what I’d learned, and I had simply followed the urges. I did not think that I’d failed or that I needed a new approach. I recognized that I had the power to avoid acting on the very next urge and to keep my recovery going.
During those 9 months of having urges but not acting on them, I never wished the urges away or took their presence to mean something was wrong. I believe this was a big component of what allowed the approach to be effective.
My own recovery and my experience helping others has led me to believe this:
What makes recovery “work” is not what works to take your urges away. It’s what works to help you not act on them.
No matter what approach you use, the crux of recovery comes when you have a thought, feeling, or impulse encouraging you to binge, but you don’t.
When you are able to do that over and over, your brain changes, the urges gradually do go away, and your binge eating habit is erased.
Go to What Makes Recovery Work, Part II
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Do you need more help as you stop binge eating?
Free Inspiration Booklet – The booklet contains 31 daily messages to help you stay focused and motivated each day as you let go of binge eating.
One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn Hansen. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.
Group Coaching – Includes 4 group coaching calls per week with Kathryn. You’ll also get access to a forum for encouragement and accountability, and course access.
Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.
Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.
You are Never Destined to Binge
Do you ever have thoughts that say, “you know you’re going to binge eventually, so you might as well just do it now”?
If you do, you are not alone. I had a client refer to these type of thoughts collectively as the binge inevitability mindset, and I think it’s an accurate way to describe this form of neurological junk.
Your lower brain’s job is to drive you to binge now; it has no conception of the future and is not involved in your long term plans. The lower brain just produces its programming–including the automatic thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations that drive you toward a binge.
Lower Brain “Predictions” are Not Truth
The lower brain doesn’t actually know that you’ll binge in the future, so this binge inevitability mindset is, of course, faulty logic. There is no wise entity in the primitive part of your brain, especially not one that can predict your future actions. In fact, the lower brain has no actual control of what actions you take in the future. You, in your higher brain, have ultimate control of whether or not you binge. You can choose to act or not act on lower brain thoughts and urges, so the thought saying “you will inevitably binge” has absolutely no basis in fact.
Where Binge Inevitability Thoughts Come From
You likely had binge inevitability thoughts for the first time during your early days of binge eating. The binge urges made you feel out of control, so that it didn’t actually feel like you had a choice and it did feel like you were destined to binge. If you did not understand your binge urges, and how to detach from them, then it made sense that you thought future binges were inevitable.
Because binge inevitability thoughts got you to take action and binge (which is what the lower brain sensed that you needed), the lower brain learned, and those thoughts became conditioned as part of the habit. Now, your lower brain keeps mindlessly and automatically producing those thoughts. If you believe those thoughts and follow them, the thoughts will keep coming indefinitely; and then the idea that you are “destined” to binge becomes self-fulfilling.
A Binge is Never Inevitable
If you can recognize this binge inevitably mindset when it comes up, you can learn to separate from it. You know now that you are never destined to binge. You were not born binge eating, and you don’t binge in every moment and in every situation. You binge when you follow your urges to binge, and if you know how to avoid following your urges to binge, you won’t binge.
An urge does not represent an unavoidable force. It’s only the product of temporarily faulty brain wiring, which you have the capacity to change–in a real, physical way using neuroplasticity.
Fighting Urges Makes Binges Seem Inevitable
The binge inevitably mindset may come up more often when you are trying to fight urges to binge. If you are trying to argue with the urge, or trying to will the urge away, that urge can feel so bothersome that you think you will eventually tire out and just give in.
If you are in that habit of fighting urges, then even as soon as the urge appears, you may have a thought like this: “you might as well binge now to avoid the struggle, because you’re going to give in later anyway.” Although the thought is certainly neurological junk, it is more likely to seem true if you are engaged in a fight with the urges, or you are trying to avoid an exhausting fight.
Fighting the urges is not an effective strategy and actually strengthens the urges. The goal is to be aware of the urges and the habitual way they show up, and not fight them. When you allow the urges to be present without arguing or turning attention toward them, it no longer feels like a tiresome battle. And then you can more clearly recognize any thoughts saying that “you’ll eventually binge” as false.
When it feels easier to experience the urges without acting on them, it’s easier to see that you aren’t destined to binge. Try to simply notice the urge, acknowledge it, not be upset that it is coming up, and then gently–without the struggle or fight–go on with you life.
You Get to Choose
Believing thoughts that say “a binge is inevitable” creates a feeling of helplessness, powerlessness, and defeat, and that state of mind is not conducive to dismissing urges. Remember that you always have the power of choice when binge urges arise. If you choose to follow the urge, you will inevitably binge. If you choose not to follow the urge, you inevitably won’t binge. Empowering yourself in this way puts you on a path to create your own destiny.
To learn more about creating an empowered mindset when facing urges, and how to stop acting on them, you can download my free eBook The Brain over Binge Basics.
More help:
If you want extra guidance as you work on the recovery goals of the Brain over Binge approach, here are some resources for additional support:
Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.
Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.
One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private session with coach Julie. She will help you change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.
