binge eating recovery Archives

Quick and Practical Advice to Help You Stop Binge Eating (Part V)

in Binge Eating, binge eating disorder, binge eating recovery, Blog, Body Image, bulimia, Calories, Dieting, dieting weight gain, eating disorder recovery, Fear, urge to binge, Weight/by Kathryn Hansen

I am continuing my blog series to provide quick inspiration and practical advice about a variety of issues that may come up for you in binge eating recovery. (You can read additional advice in Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV)

_____________

Showing up for yourself

On days that feel hard, read this…

“All progress is made when people who don’t feel like showing up for themselves show up anyway. Your power is wielded in your ability to act despite conflicting emotions. Feel your feelings, then get moving.” -J. Mike Fields

This is not to say that you always need to push through and exhaust yourself. Sometimes rest and downtime is what you need. But it’s vital to realize that you can’t wait to feel good to take positive action, and you especially can’t wait to feel good to avoid the harmful action of a binge.

When you show up for yourself and say no to binges no matter how you feel, you will start to feel better and better!

_____________

What if I eat emotionally?

Recovery from binge eating does not mean you will never eat emotionally again.

It’s simply not realistic to expect yourself to avoid every form of emotional eating that may come up. Emotions are always running through us, and pretty much every time you eat, you may be able to point to an emotion that could be theoretically linked to that eating. It’s sometimes hard to sort out what is actually emotional eating and what is just normal eating in times that you’re emotional.

It can become a little confusing and I think that’s why it’s important to realize that—even if you do eat something that seems to be driven by emotions—you can still stop after a reasonable amount and you can dismiss any urges to binge that may arise. In other words, emotional eating never needs to lead to binge eating.

I talk extensively about the relationship between emotional eating and binge eating in the Brain over Binge course, especially in Lesson 7. (The course is only $18.99 per month with no commitment.)

_____________

Stay binge-free even with persistent urges

It can feel frustrating to dismiss an urge only to have it come back not long after it settled down…

But when you start thinking things like “I can’t believe this is happening again!” or “why can’t these urges just leave me alone!” it puts your nervous system in a fight-or-flight state that makes it more difficult to dismiss the urge again.

Try not to be surprised that the urges keep coming back. After all, the lower brain thinks you need this habit, and producing urges is what it’s been conditioned to do. The less you are upset about the recurrence of the urges, the more accepting your mindset will be, and you can even welcome each urge as an opportunity to make the changes you want.

I’m not saying you’re going to like having the urges! But, to decondition the brain, you have to learn to be okay with having unmet desire to binge (no matter how often that desire shows up) until that desire fades away.

_____________

What do you need to allow in recovery?

Do you fight against binge urges instead of letting them come and go?

Do you automatically start eating when you feel certain emotions?

Do you go into a full binge after feeling some discomfort from overeating?

Do you attempt to keep tight control over your weight?

While all of these issues may seem different, you can improve any of them by learning about the concept of allowing what is. When you develop an allowing mindset surrounding urges, food, weight, emotions, and more, you actually step into a much more powerful position to make positive changes.

Allowing what is is not being passive…it is letting the things you can’t control simply be. When you do this, you get your energy and focus back to use it on what you can control.

Coach Julie and I have a podcast episode about this topic, and I know you’ll find it helpful in many aspects of binge eating recovery:
Listen to Episode 142: Allowing What Is (with Coach Julie)

_____________

Not eating mindfully?

You’re not alone if you find yourself not eating in a mindful way. Life is busy and challenging, and thankfully, mindfulness during meals is not a requirement for recovery.

You may have received the idea somewhere that you “should” be present while you are eating, and chew slowly, and pay close attention to the sensations of your body. All of this can certainly be helpful, especially if you are re-learning normal eating and re-establishing your hunger and fullness cues.

However, not eating mindfully does not make you destined to binge.

Your lower brain might produce a thought like, “you weren’t present enough and you didn’t really enjoy your food, so now you need the ‘pleasure’ of a binge.” This is neurological junk. The reality is that sometimes you just have to eat and move on, and you simply don’t have time to sit down and savor your food.

You’ll find the level of mindfulness that you want (depending on each situation), but always remember that you can dismiss binge urges no matter what.

_____________

Eating outside of meals/snacks is not a binge

In Episode 147: Redefining Restriction, I mentioned that I generally like to eat 3 meals a day plus some snacks in between. Someone then reached out to ask: If you eat outside of these meals/snacks, do you consider that a binge? The answer is absolutely not.

Life is often challenging and unpredictable, and having meals and snacks is just a general framework, definitely not a rule. On extremely busy days, I sometimes just eat something whenever I feel hunger or when it seems like I need some energy, and this ends up looking like maybe 7-8 snacks. I sometimes eat a few large meals and no snacks, or sometimes only one actual meal and the rest just quick convenience food because it’s easy and I don’t have the bandwidth to put any effort into food.

The point here is that life doesn’t always line up with how I’d ideally like to be eating, and when I eat in a way that doesn’t fit that “ideal,” I never consider it a binge. My past binges were large and unmistakable, and after recovery, I told myself that if I had to ask if it was a binge or not, then it was not a binge.

This allowed me to confidently choose to eat in whatever reasonable way I wanted to, based on my available time and resources, without thinking I was wrong or broken. This also kept me from creating strict rules around my eating that could have led me back down the path of dieting.

I realize that for some, binges are less clearly defined, and that’s why there are significant sections of my course and 2nd book devoted to helping you define your binges. You can also find guidance in this blog post: Subjectivity in Binge Eating.

_____________

Are low moods making food more appealing?

Feeling down or feeling negative emotions absolutely makes rewarding behaviors more enticing. This, combined with the reality that food is the easiest form of reward that most of us have access to, creates a scenario that sets us up to feel driven toward food during low moods.

Even people who never struggle with binge eating can develop some emotional eating habits over time. Everyone probably “uses” food for reasons other than true hunger to some extent. To keep this in balance, it’s about learning to consciously choose instead of feeling like food has control over you.

For more help with this (especially if negative emotions are connected to your binge eating), listen to Episode 39: Q&A: Emotional Attachment to Binge Eating

_____________

Would you tell a friend to binge?

We often tell ourselves that a binge “makes sense” for one reason or another, and one common reason you may come up with is that you’ve already eaten something unhealthy, or you’ve already broken a resolution to avoid a certain food, so you might as well binge.

It can be helpful to take a step back and think about what you’d tell a friend who broke a resolution or ate something unhealthy…

Would you tell them all is lost and that they might as well eat all of the junk food?

Of course not!

However, you may believe this same logic when it comes from your own thoughts. A big part of binge eating recovery is learning to recognize these faulty, lower-brain thoughts and realize they don’t represent your truth.

Instead, you’d tell a friend that whether or not they stick to their other resolutions, a binge never makes sense and always leads to more pain. You’d tell them that regardless of their food choices, a binge does not bring them any closer to improving their eating habits.

You can treat yourself the same way you’d treat a friend—knowing that whether or not you are “successful” with your eating, you never have to binge… and that is a huge success!!

_____________

This advice is taken from weekly emails I send to encourage recovery. If you’d like to receive my emails (and monthly newsletter) going forward, all you need to do is enter your email address on this page.

When you sign up, you also get the free “Brain over Binge Inspiration Booklet” and the free course track, “Manage Your Mindset After a Binge”.
_____________

More help:

If you want extra guidance as you learn to give up binge eating, here are some resources for additional support:

One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute or 20-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.

Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.

Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.

Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.

Eat Whatever You Want, Whenever You Want?

in Binge Eating, binge eating disorder, binge eating recovery, Blog, Cravings, eating disorder recovery, Habits, Intuitive Eating, intuitive eating binge, intuitive eating for binge eating, Overeating, Processed foods, Self-Control/by Kathryn Hansen

The idea of eating “whatever you want, whenever you want” is an often-discussed topic in the eating disorder recovery space. Some use this directive to encourage people to give up food restriction and food rules, and others speak out against the idea of eating “whatever you want, whenever you want,” saying that it’s unrealistic or will lead to overeating and poor food choices.

This phrase is also (incorrectly) used to describe the popular Intuitive Eating approach, which is much more nuanced than simply “eating whatever you want, whenever you want.” The original philosophy of Intuitive Eating was developed by Evelyn Tripoli and Elise Resh, and the basic premise is that your body knows what foods are best for you and how much you need to eat. So, if you can learn to follow that inner guidance, you’ll eventually be able to eat in a natural way and your body will be at the unique size that’s right for you. Intuitive eating involves tuning in to taste preferences and to how foods make you feel; it’s not just about following every food desire that you have.

If you are unsure if an intuitive approach to eating is right for you, you can listen to Episode 16: Eating Intuitively: Is it Right for You in Recovery from Binge Eating? or read this blog post: Is Intuitive Eating a Remedy for Binge Eating?. Also know that what I talk about in the rest of this post is not meant to be a reflection of the Intuitive Eating philosophy. I only wanted to mention it up front because it’s so strongly linked in many people’s minds to the idea of “eating whatever you want, whenever you want.”

Rethinking the Idea of Eating “Whatever You Want, Whenever You Want.”

Taken at face value, “eating whatever you want, whenever you want” seems to lack sound judgement and wisdom, but I’m going to turn the tables a bit here and say that maybe we should all be eating “whatever we want, whenever we want”…but only if we reinterpret this phrase.

Admittedly, throughout my years of working with binge eaters, I’ve been more on the side of people who say that “eating whatever you want, whenever you want” is unrealistic and can lead to eating an overabundance of highly stimulating, processed food. However, I’ve recently had new insights about this, realizing that I was interpreting this phrase in an overly simplistic way, and realizing it holds more truth than I’ve thought in the past.

Re-Examining the Meaning of “Wants”

As humans, we naturally have many desires and wants, and this is an absolutely normal part of our existence. Much of this wanting is fueled by our primitive brain and its reward/pleasure center, which naturally drives us toward behaviors that are going to keep us alive, help us experience pleasure, and allow us to avoid pain. Eating is a behavior that does all of the above.

Whether or not we struggle with a binge eating habit, we are going to want often and we’re going to want food often, and especially tasty food. It’s simply in our nature, and if we didn’t have this strong desire for food, we might not have survived as a species. Add to that the abundance of highly stimulating foods available to many of us today, and it’s easy to see why our normal cravings for food can get amplified. Some of us have stronger desires than others when it comes to food or other pleasures, and binge eaters have a glitch in this primitive reward system that makes them want massive amounts of food.

Primitive Wanting vs. Truly Wanting

What’s important to know is that having the experience of wanting something in the moment (because of our primitive drives) does not have much to do with what we actually, truly want for our lives.

Wanting is a feeling, a sensation, a type of energy that moves through us…but it is not us.

If we take another look at the phrase, “eat whatever you want, whenever you want,” you can see how this philosophy could potentially be harmful—because we do “want” often and we “want” food often. This can create a dilemma if we are fortunate enough to have access to food often, because even if we’re not actively eating—we may be smelling food, passing by it, seeing others eating it, and viewing advertising for it.

Normal eaters experience this too, but most people aren’t out there eating whatever they see, smell, or think about, or whenever their body creates the sensation of wanting around food. What normal eaters get good at is distinguishing what they actually, truly want from what they feel like they want in the moment.

Basically, a normal eater decides what “wants” to follow and what “wants” not to follow based on balancing their momentary desire for pleasure with their desire to feel good and to be able to function well in the world. A normal eater will certainly choose to eat just for pleasure sometimes and even do this more often than is ideal for health, especially in our modern food environment. But even when they eat purely for pleasure, it does not feel vastly out of line with their true self and the choices they want to be making.

I want or I want

Someone who is not making those conscious choices with food and instead feels driven by their momentary desires and cravings may say: “I eat whatever I want whenever I want.”

But someone who is making those conscious food choices would instead say, “I eat whatever I want, whenever I want.”

The difference is in what word is emphasized. If we emphasize the word I, it changes the whole experience and puts you back in control.

If you are instead focusing on the word want, and you are therefore eating every time you feel “wanting” around food, you are not allowing your true self to choose how you really want to be eating.

For example, your lower brain may want to constantly graze all day, but that doesn’t make you feel good. You realize that you actually feel better and more in touch with your appetite cues when you eat a few nourishing meals plus a couple snacks during the day, at generally the same times. That’s what you want to eat and when you want to eat, so when you eat in that way, you are in fact eating “whatever you want, whenever you want.” You’re making wise choices for yourself, and your additional, excessive wants and primitive brain desires are just along for the ride.

How Do You Handle “Wants” in the Rest of Your Life?

Think about all of the other things you don’t do (or don’t do exactly when you want to) because your higher brain has greater goals—goals not to go broke, or ruin your relationships, or lose your job. We all disregard momentary desires sometimes for more important wants, and honestly, sometimes we do the opposite in that we disregard our greater goals for some guilty pleasure…and that’s okay too! But it’s about choosing that balance for yourself—by connecting to what you actually want for your life and for your eating, and leaving room for enjoyment too.

This is never about banishing food pleasure, and conversely, it’s also never about trying to convince yourself that you really want to be on a strict eating plan that deprives your body of enough food. If you struggle with wanting to be too restrictive, listen to Episode 49: Can I Use the Brain over Binge Approach to Stick to Strict Eating Plans?

How Much Space Are You Giving Your “Wants”?

As I was thinking about this topic, I ran across an insightful and relevant post—part of which I’m going to share here—from one of my favorite authors and podcast creators, Forrest Hansen. He said…

“Much like dishes, laundry, and email, our wants never end. They expand to fill the space they’re allowed. We can never get to the bottom of dishes, laundry, or email. Doing email simply leaves us with more email to do as sending email means receiving more in return. Doing dishes today still means more tomorrow, and unfortunately, I never seem to run out of dirty clothing.

Our wants work the same way. Most people carry around this sense that if they could just get to the bottom of their wants, they’d finally be happy, but the truth is that our wants expand to fill the space they’re allowed. As we satisfy old wants, new ones appear to take their place and even when we’re currently enjoying that thing that we wanted, we can notice ourselves teleporting into the future, anticipating, planning, and desiring some new and slightly better version.

The problem isn’t just that our wants are never ending and constantly expanding, it’s that we can’t solve this problem by abandoning wants altogether. Important boxes must be checked for us to feel fulfilled. There is space for our wants, but the trick is to be thoughtful, not just about what wants we’re filling that space with, but how much space we’re allowing our wants to have. Are they in the passenger’s seat of the car or the driver’s seat?”

I hope that these words from Forrest Hansen and my discussion helps you see that you no longer have to be driven by your wants—in relation to food or anything else in your life—but you can get skilled at determining what you truly desire. You can learn to give yourself ample pleasure when it comes to food, while still not following the endless wants that are part of the human condition.

________________

If you want more help as you navigate this and as you create a way of eating that works for you, you can utilize the following Brain over Binge resources:

One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.

Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.

Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.