Quick and Practical Advice to Help You Stop Binge Eating (Part V)
I am continuing my blog series to provide quick inspiration and practical advice about a variety of issues that may come up for you in binge eating recovery. (You can read additional advice in Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV)
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Showing up for yourself
On days that feel hard, read this…
“All progress is made when people who don’t feel like showing up for themselves show up anyway. Your power is wielded in your ability to act despite conflicting emotions. Feel your feelings, then get moving.” -J. Mike Fields
This is not to say that you always need to push through and exhaust yourself. Sometimes rest and downtime is what you need. But it’s vital to realize that you can’t wait to feel good to take positive action, and you especially can’t wait to feel good to avoid the harmful action of a binge.
When you show up for yourself and say no to binges no matter how you feel, you will start to feel better and better!
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What if I eat emotionally?
Recovery from binge eating does not mean you will never eat emotionally again.
It’s simply not realistic to expect yourself to avoid every form of emotional eating that may come up. Emotions are always running through us, and pretty much every time you eat, you may be able to point to an emotion that could be theoretically linked to that eating. It’s sometimes hard to sort out what is actually emotional eating and what is just normal eating in times that you’re emotional.
It can become a little confusing and I think that’s why it’s important to realize that—even if you do eat something that seems to be driven by emotions—you can still stop after a reasonable amount and you can dismiss any urges to binge that may arise. In other words, emotional eating never needs to lead to binge eating.
I talk extensively about the relationship between emotional eating and binge eating in the Brain over Binge course, especially in Lesson 7. (The course is only $18.99 per month with no commitment.)
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Stay binge-free even with persistent urges
It can feel frustrating to dismiss an urge only to have it come back not long after it settled down…
But when you start thinking things like “I can’t believe this is happening again!” or “why can’t these urges just leave me alone!” it puts your nervous system in a fight-or-flight state that makes it more difficult to dismiss the urge again.
Try not to be surprised that the urges keep coming back. After all, the lower brain thinks you need this habit, and producing urges is what it’s been conditioned to do. The less you are upset about the recurrence of the urges, the more accepting your mindset will be, and you can even welcome each urge as an opportunity to make the changes you want.
I’m not saying you’re going to like having the urges! But, to decondition the brain, you have to learn to be okay with having unmet desire to binge (no matter how often that desire shows up) until that desire fades away.
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What do you need to allow in recovery?
Do you fight against binge urges instead of letting them come and go?
Do you automatically start eating when you feel certain emotions?
Do you go into a full binge after feeling some discomfort from overeating?
Do you attempt to keep tight control over your weight?
While all of these issues may seem different, you can improve any of them by learning about the concept of allowing what is. When you develop an allowing mindset surrounding urges, food, weight, emotions, and more, you actually step into a much more powerful position to make positive changes.
Allowing what is is not being passive…it is letting the things you can’t control simply be. When you do this, you get your energy and focus back to use it on what you can control.
Coach Julie and I have a podcast episode about this topic, and I know you’ll find it helpful in many aspects of binge eating recovery:
Listen to Episode 142: Allowing What Is (with Coach Julie)
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Not eating mindfully?
You’re not alone if you find yourself not eating in a mindful way. Life is busy and challenging, and thankfully, mindfulness during meals is not a requirement for recovery.
You may have received the idea somewhere that you “should” be present while you are eating, and chew slowly, and pay close attention to the sensations of your body. All of this can certainly be helpful, especially if you are re-learning normal eating and re-establishing your hunger and fullness cues.
However, not eating mindfully does not make you destined to binge.
Your lower brain might produce a thought like, “you weren’t present enough and you didn’t really enjoy your food, so now you need the ‘pleasure’ of a binge.” This is neurological junk. The reality is that sometimes you just have to eat and move on, and you simply don’t have time to sit down and savor your food.
You’ll find the level of mindfulness that you want (depending on each situation), but always remember that you can dismiss binge urges no matter what.
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Eating outside of meals/snacks is not a binge
In Episode 147: Redefining Restriction, I mentioned that I generally like to eat 3 meals a day plus some snacks in between. Someone then reached out to ask: If you eat outside of these meals/snacks, do you consider that a binge? The answer is absolutely not.
Life is often challenging and unpredictable, and having meals and snacks is just a general framework, definitely not a rule. On extremely busy days, I sometimes just eat something whenever I feel hunger or when it seems like I need some energy, and this ends up looking like maybe 7-8 snacks. I sometimes eat a few large meals and no snacks, or sometimes only one actual meal and the rest just quick convenience food because it’s easy and I don’t have the bandwidth to put any effort into food.
The point here is that life doesn’t always line up with how I’d ideally like to be eating, and when I eat in a way that doesn’t fit that “ideal,” I never consider it a binge. My past binges were large and unmistakable, and after recovery, I told myself that if I had to ask if it was a binge or not, then it was not a binge.
This allowed me to confidently choose to eat in whatever reasonable way I wanted to, based on my available time and resources, without thinking I was wrong or broken. This also kept me from creating strict rules around my eating that could have led me back down the path of dieting.
I realize that for some, binges are less clearly defined, and that’s why there are significant sections of my course and 2nd book devoted to helping you define your binges. You can also find guidance in this blog post: Subjectivity in Binge Eating.
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Are low moods making food more appealing?
Feeling down or feeling negative emotions absolutely makes rewarding behaviors more enticing. This, combined with the reality that food is the easiest form of reward that most of us have access to, creates a scenario that sets us up to feel driven toward food during low moods.
Even people who never struggle with binge eating can develop some emotional eating habits over time. Everyone probably “uses” food for reasons other than true hunger to some extent. To keep this in balance, it’s about learning to consciously choose instead of feeling like food has control over you.
For more help with this (especially if negative emotions are connected to your binge eating), listen to Episode 39: Q&A: Emotional Attachment to Binge Eating
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Would you tell a friend to binge?
We often tell ourselves that a binge “makes sense” for one reason or another, and one common reason you may come up with is that you’ve already eaten something unhealthy, or you’ve already broken a resolution to avoid a certain food, so you might as well binge.
It can be helpful to take a step back and think about what you’d tell a friend who broke a resolution or ate something unhealthy…
Would you tell them all is lost and that they might as well eat all of the junk food?
Of course not!
However, you may believe this same logic when it comes from your own thoughts. A big part of binge eating recovery is learning to recognize these faulty, lower-brain thoughts and realize they don’t represent your truth.
Instead, you’d tell a friend that whether or not they stick to their other resolutions, a binge never makes sense and always leads to more pain. You’d tell them that regardless of their food choices, a binge does not bring them any closer to improving their eating habits.
You can treat yourself the same way you’d treat a friend—knowing that whether or not you are “successful” with your eating, you never have to binge… and that is a huge success!!
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This advice is taken from weekly emails I send to encourage recovery. If you’d like to receive my emails (and monthly newsletter) going forward, all you need to do is enter your email address on this page.
When you sign up, you also get the free “Brain over Binge Inspiration Booklet” and the free course track, “Manage Your Mindset After a Binge”.
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More help:
If you want extra guidance as you learn to give up binge eating, here are some resources for additional support:
One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute or 20-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.
Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.
Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.
Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.