Quick and Practical Advice to Help You Stop Binge Eating (Part VI)
I am continuing my blog series to provide quick inspiration and practical advice about a variety of issues that may come up for you in binge eating recovery. (You can read additional advice in Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, and Part V)
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A “small binge” or overeating?
When you eat more than you think you should, or eat until you’re too full, do you find yourself wondering if it was a “small binge”?
It’s not usually helpful to think of overeating episodes as “small binges,” because this can lead you to feel guilty or like you’ve failed for engaging in behaviors that even normal eaters engage in.
Overeating could be something you want to work on, but when you lump it into the same category as bingeing, it can make you feel like you have to get your eating perfect every time to avoid a “binge.” This can create unnecessary stress and pressure and can lead to a restrictive mindset around food.
For more help with overeating, you can read a 3-part blog series at BrainoverBinge.com/Overeating/
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Out of touch with hunger and fullness?
“Feelings of hunger and fullness are the signals that nature intended to guide eating; however, for recovering binge eaters, using these signals is often a skill that comes in time.” -The Brain over Binge Recovery Guide, pg. 239
If you don’t feel in touch with your hunger and fullness right now, you are not alone, and this doesn’t have to prevent you from making progress toward recovery.
When you restrict food and/or binge, it interferes with natural appetite mechanisms, and it can take some time for your system to regulate.
Deliberately eating adequately, day by day, allows the primary cues for eating to reemerge. Sometimes this happens quickly, sometimes it’s a very gradual process, but if you keep going, you’ll eventually reconnect with your appetite!
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It’s okay to “not know”
“Become comfortable with not knowing” – Eckhart Tolle
Something that may be holding you back from ending binge eating is “not knowing”…
Not knowing what your life will look like after you quit.
Not knowing what your weight will be.
Not knowing who you’ll be without the eating disorder.
Not knowing how you’ll fill your time.
Not knowing exactly how you’ll eat.
To encourage yourself to take the leap into the unknown, remind yourself what you do know – that the eating disorder is harmful, that it’s keeping you from a full life, that’s it’s hurting your health, your relationships, your career, and more.
The unknown of recovery is more comfortable than the known pain of the binge eating. And as you walk through the unknown, you’ll have a chance to learn about yourself, to discover how you want to spend your time, to allow your body to heal, and to learn how to eat in a way that works for you.
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Boredom is better than bingeing
Do your thoughts tell you that life without binge eating will be boring? Do these thoughts convince you to keep binge eating to avoid boredom?
To help you see this in a new way, I want you to imagine someone you care about. Now imagine that person asking you if they should engage in a harmful behavior to avoid boredom. What would you advise them? Would you tell them the harmful behavior is better than being bored, and better than trying to find other things to do?
Of course not!
But that is exactly what the lower brain’s faulty logic is convincing you to do when it comes to binge eating.
If you ask anyone who has recovered (including myself), they will tell you that a binge-free life is NOT a boring life. Even if you have a hard time believing that right now, isn’t boredom better than the pain binge eating causes? There are gifts in boredom, it creates space for rest, and space for you to discover who you are and what you want for your life.
If you are using the Brain over Binge course, you can listen to a thorough discussion of this in the 5th Q&A track on the Q&A page titled “What if life without binge eating seems boring?” (Get the Brain over Binge Course for only $18.99 per month)
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Developing self-trust
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When you struggle with binge eating, I know that it can be tempting to look outside of yourself for the perfect meal plan or exercise regimen. It may feel easier for someone else to tell you exactly what to eat (and of course there are times when this is helpful and medically necessary on a temporary basis), but to have freedom with food, it’s important to take steps toward trusting your own body and preferences.
Once you learn to trust yourself, there is no more second guessing your every food choice. You simply decide, eat, and move on (and get feedback from your body that may help you with future decisions). You can start practicing this at any meal or snack! Empower yourself to make the best (imperfect) food decision you can in the moment, and then dismiss all of the brain chatter that tells you that you’re “wrong.”
If you aren’t there yet, have compassion for yourself and get support when you need it, but start to build that self-trust muscle as much as you can, because it will serve you for the rest of your life.
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5 eating habits that are not bingeing
5 ways of eating that are not binge eating:
1. Eating when you’re not hungry (Life doesn’t always line up with our appetite cues)
2. Celebratory meals (It’s normal to eat more than usual on special occasions)
3. Eating fast food/highly processed food (Sometimes we don’t have access to or time for better food)
4. Snacking (A binge is an abnormally large amount of food, not a snack)
5. Having dessert (If you saw someone else having dessert, would you consider it a binge?)
Asking yourself if you’d consider it a binge if someone else was eating that way helps you avoid having an overly broad definition of a binge. When you “over-define” binge eating, it creates unhealthy perfectionism. I never want you to think you’ve “failed” if you eat in these 5 very normal ways. Sure, any of these 5 habits could become unhealthy if overdone, but right now you are focused on ending the binge eating…you are not trying to eat perfectly!
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Think only “future you” can recover?
Do you find yourself believing that you’ll be more capable of recovery in the future? Do you think that after a certain event, or obligation, or birthday/holiday passes, then you’ll be ready to end the habit?
You are not alone in having these thoughts! Even if you can point to future factors that you truly believe will set you up for success, also know that the lower brain maintains habits by creating reasons to continue engaging in it. One of the common reasons is that “you will be more ready and equipped for recovery at another time.”
The lower brain calls for instant gratification, and to get it, it creates a vision of a future where you can quit effortlessly…whether that is tomorrow, next month, or next year. This can go on forever if you let it, because once the future becomes now, the lower brain will still call for instant gratification.
When you hear thoughts encouraging you to binge today and quit another time, know that you’ll have those same faulty thoughts at any time you try to quit. Resistance to change is normal and natural, but you can overcome it!
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Everything is not wrong
Do you find yourself thinking that everything is wrong when it comes to your food choices and eating behaviors?
I know there are habits that you want to change, I know it’s painful to live with binge eating; but I want you to drop the belief that everything is wrong in your relationship with food.
Start taking the time to notice when you do things right, and by “right,” I don’t mean perfect. When you acknowledge what is going well and stop downplaying your successes, you can build from there.
To help you keep this in mind, here is a quote I recently shared on my Instagram (@brain_over_binge):
“Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken.” -Kristin Neff
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Do you resist what helps you?
If you find yourself resisting doing the things that you know will help you toward change, it can be easy to think you really don’t want change after all. But this is not the case. It’s natural and normal for the brain to resist change…and to resist the things that lead you toward change.
In the Brain over Binge course, Lesson 7, I explain that “resisting doing things that will change habits does not mean you actually want those habits in your life. It just means your brain has an inclination toward those old patterns.”
You can learn to feel the automatic desire to resist change without letting it stop you from taking the steps you need to take to free yourself from binge eating.
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This advice is taken from weekly emails I send to encourage recovery. If you’d like to receive my emails (and monthly newsletter) going forward, all you need to do is enter your email address on this page.
When you sign up, you also get the free “Brain over Binge Inspiration Booklet” and the free course track, “Manage Your Mindset After a Binge”.
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More help:
If you want extra guidance as you learn to give up binge eating, here are some resources for additional support:
One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute or 20-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.
Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, weekly group coaching calls with Julie, monthly Q&A calls with Kathryn, mindfulness resources, plus course access.
Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.
Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.