Beyond Hunger and Fullness: Learning to Deal with “Stop and Go” Signals around Food
Hunger and fullness signals are an often-discussed topic in the eating disorder space, but today, I’m going to go beyond that to discuss what I’m calling stop and go signals and to explain how these signals come into play in binge eating recovery.
Stop and go signals aren’t the same as our physical cues of hunger and fullness. The go signals are primarily thoughts, but also feelings and sensations, that drive us to eat (or keep eating), and they are independent of actual physical hunger. The reason I say go signals are primarily thoughts is because the physical feelings and sensations are usually more indicative of actual hunger, but you can definitely still have physical sensations encouraging eating when you’re not truly hungry.
For example, a go signal could occur when you’ve finished eating a meal, and you’ve had plenty of food and possibly even dessert, but then your thoughts keep telling you to eat more—even though you’re full. These go signals can also occur when you’re not hungry at all, but you see some delicious food or you’re offered something to eat, and your thoughts and cravings encourage you to have some. The most extreme go signals are the urges to binge, which drive you to eat so far past fullness that it’s painful.
The stop signals are primarily thoughts, but also feelings and sensations, that tell us to stop eating—which are also independent of actual hunger or fullness. The stop signals I’m talking about here primarily show up if you are restricting. I’m not talking about the stop signals that come up after you’ve had a reasonable, nourishing amount of food. Problematic stop signals come up when you’re actually hungry or you physically need more food, but you think and believe that you should stop eating in order to control your weight or because eating is somehow “wrong.” The stop signals tend to be very self-critical and come with a lot of guilt.
It’s not just binge eaters—everyone has stop and go signals
What both the stop and go signals show us is that our thoughts and feelings encouraging eating (or eating more) are not always based on hunger, and on the other hand, our thoughts and feelings encouraging us to stop eating are not always based in fullness. This is something that people with or without a current or past eating disorder have to deal with, especially in the modern food environment that we live in. Highly processed, highly stimulating, highly pleasurable foods can turn up our food desires, promote more food thoughts, and rev up our cravings—in other words, increase the go signals around food. Additionally, those very same foods can also create some of the problematic stop signals in our minds as well. If we tell ourselves that certain foods are “bad,” or if we’re worried that certain foods will lead to weight gain, it can lead to restrictive thoughts telling us to stop eating (or avoid eating in the first place), even if we’re hungry.
Food is not just fuel, and you are not broken
There is a common analogy about eating being like filling the gas tank of your car, and that analogy makes sense if we’re strictly talking about hunger and fullness—you fill your stomach or your gas tank when it gets low and stop when it is full. But, when we’re talking about these stop and go signals, this analogy doesn’t hold up. There’s just so much more to human food decisions and consumption, especially with all of the modern foods that we have available.
Cars don’t face tempting food (fuel) on a daily basis, or social settings where there is pressure to overeat, or highly processed options that can make cravings and desires stronger. Basically, we’re facing a lot more challenges than a car that simply needs energy to run, and I think it’s important for everyone in recovery to come to terms with this. I encourage you to accept that hunger and fullness don’t tell the whole story, and that you’ll need to learn to make peace with the stop and go signals as well.
Having stop and go signals does not make you broken or mean that something is wrong with you, and this is something I frequently remind people of in my books, blog, and podcast. Everyone with or without an eating disorder has to deal with the effect that modern food has on the brain’s reward system, and everyone also has to deal with the messages telling us that certain foods are “bad,” so we should stop eating them. When you realize you are not alone and this is simply the way the brain works, it puts you in a more powerful place to start making choices that are best for you.
I want to say here that—even though everyone has some form of these stop and go signals—they are a lot stronger in people who struggle with bingeing and restricting. Furthermore, because restricting leads to bingeing, when the stop signals are strong and you follow the thoughts telling you not to eat, this has the effect of strengthening the go signals—which can lead to urges to binge. The result of strong and opposing stop and go signals is the dangerous restrict-binge cycle.
Why we have stop and go signals in addition to hunger and fullness signals
I want to dive a little deeper into why we have the stop and go signals. These are primal or primitive brain signals, which are part of the reward system in our brain that has helped humans survive by motivating us to perform behaviors that are necessary for our existence. Eating is basically at the top of that list of necessary (and pleasurable) behaviors.
Our primitive brain’s reward system has three basic goals: 1.) To survive, 2.) To seek pleasure, and 3.) To avoid pain. Some experts also add a fourth goal that is: To exert as little effort as possible.
When we’re talking about hunger and fullness signals, it’s more about that first goal of survival, but of course eating also brings pleasure and helps us avoid the pain of hunger. When it comes to stop and go signals, it’s no longer just about basic survival. The go signals are primarily about meeting that primitive goal of seeking pleasure and also avoiding any discomfort that comes with craving.
The stop signals are a little less clear as far as being a primitive drive, because often these messages arise from cultural conditioning and expectations surrounding how we should look or what we should eat. While it’s fine to want to eat well and take care of our bodies, when we make ourselves stop eating (or not eat in the first place) when we need food, this goes against our survival. However, it can feel like it’s helping us fulfill other needs like being accepted or connected with others or feeling safe, and that can seem like it’s meeting some of those primal needs for pleasure and pain avoidance. Plus, once repeated enough, the stop and go signals become habitual as well, and our habits are driven by the primal brain.
You are not powerless against stop and go signals
What is paramount to know is that your higher brain—your more rational, human brain—has the capacity to override any primitive, conditioned, and habitual thoughts and feelings—and that includes the stop and go signals. This is one of the fundamental principles of Brain over Binge, and you can learn more about the higher brain in Podcast Episode 3: The Lower and Higher Brain at Work in Binge Eating.
If you know you need to eat enough food to recover, but your thoughts keep telling you to stop so that you can restrict and lose weight, you can absolutely keep eating in spite of those signals. You can learn to be aware of your brain’s own patterns, you can notice the thoughts that arise, and you can know that these stop signals are faulty, and you can nourish yourself anyway. It’s the same for the go signals. You should allow for food enjoyment, but you can also recognize that when you eat certain foods, your brain may tell you to “go, go, go” and eat excessively, and even to binge. You can use your higher brain to control your actions and choosing a stopping point in spite of these go signals.
This is something that I think should be taught to us from a very young age, especially with the modern foods that we have available. People can be quick to blame the food manufacturers, and yes, there is some responsibility there, but this post is not about that. It’s about helping you take back your own power and realize that any go signals you have around these foods are not destiny. It’s necessary to accept that you will have these signals and not to be scared of them.
What often happens is that people are around tempting food, or they eat tempting food, and then they naturally have thoughts telling them to eat “more, more, more,” and they start having anxiety and negative thoughts about their desires. They might think, “oh my gosh, what’s wrong with me, why do I want so much of this food, why do I lack control?” These thoughts are not productive and having go signals never means you lack control.
It’s much more helpful to think, “oh, of course my brain is signaling me to eat more of this highly pleasurable, highly stimulating food because my brain is wired for pleasure. It’s only natural that I’m having these go signals, but these signals and feelings of desire are safe. I can learn to have feelings of wanting for food, and still be okay, and still have a choice about what I eat.”
Even after recovery, you’ll have something pleasurable like a cookie and your brain will probably want another one, but that doesn’t mean there’s a problem. You can feel those go signals, you can understand them, you can know that it doesn’t mean you’re broken, and then you can decide to have another cookie or not. The good news is that after you stop the binge eating habit, these go signals are so much less strong, and the idea of continuing to eat and eat—let’s say until you’ve had the whole pack of cookies—that just seems like the opposite of pleasure. But you will still have go signals—to a much lesser extent—so I want you to have the proper expectations so that you’re not surprised when you have desires for some extra food pleasure. Always remember that the go signals are normal, but they do not have to dictate what you choose to do.
We have stop and go signals in other parts of life, not just around food
I thought of an example recently regarding these signals and how we need to be more accepting of them, but also not let them lead us into harmful actions. The example that came to mind has to do with sports because I love sports, and I think there are so many life lessons to be learned from them. It’s also timely with the Olympics going on as I’m writing this.
If you read Brain over Binge, you know that I ran track and cross country in high school and college, and now my daughter is actually running track in high school. As an aside, my running got wrapped up in very unhealthy weight obsessions and eventually resulted in many injuries, stress fractures, and an inability to continue to compete. To my daughter’s credit, she’s participating in this sport in a vastly healthier way than I did, and I’m so thankful for that.
The point of this story is that my daughter and I had a conversation recently about stop signals while running. We talked about the fact that—in every single race that we’ve ever run—our thoughts try to convince us to stop. I think this is extremely common, and I’m sure a lot of you can relate if you participate in sports. As I’ve talked about, the brain wants to survive, seek pleasure, and avoid pain, so exerting yourself strenuously in a race (for seemingly no reason at all to your brain—it’s not like there’s a lion chasing you!) is really the opposite of pleasure. It’s very painful, and it also goes against that fourth goal that I talked about of exerting as little effort as possible, so it only makes sense that the brain tells us to stop.
My daughter and I also talked about how we have a lot of justifications for stopping going through our minds too. It’s just something you learn to expect, but you still finish the race in spite of what is going on in your brain, and I know this is not just applicable to runners. Now, I’m sure there are some extremely mentally strong people out there who don’t have these stop signals when performing something strenuous. Maybe the Olympians don’t have them or can override them so well in order to get to such a high level in their sport. But I think all athletes learn to ignore these signals to some extent, and perform the physical endeavor anyway. The brain wants comfort and safety, but if you want to grow and improve, you have to push your own limits.
Of course, sometimes there are real reasons for needing to heed and follow stop signals in a race or any athletic event, but that’s in rare circumstances like when injury occurs. What I’m talking about here is what happens the majority of the time when you simply keep racing or keep performing in spite of the thoughts telling you to stop.
I’m going to bring this back to eating now to say that eating a delicious, highly stimulating food is basically the opposite of running a race. Instead of the brain saying stop in a race, it says go for more food because it wants that pleasure. The takeaway here is that those go signals never have to prevent you from stopping after a reasonable amount of food—just like those stop signals don’t have to prevent you from going on to finish the race.
When eating the pleasurable food or running the race, you simply have to understand that those signals will be there, but also that you have the ability to do what you need to do anyway—whether that’s crossing the finish line or putting away the bag of chips after a normal amount. When you aim to eat a food that’s challenging for you, you can know that you’re committed to eating a normal amount of it no matter what your brain says, just like you can be committed to finishing any race you start. The race may not look pretty, the eating may not be perfect, but you can commit to doing your best and not listening to the thoughts that try to distract you from your goal.
The last insight around this racing analogy that I’ll talk about here is that you absolutely can be selective about the races you choose to run or the foods you choose to eat. I would never tell my daughter—who primarily runs the mile—to sign up for a marathon and then to just ignore all of her thoughts telling her to stop. That would be foolish and dangerous. The takeaway when it comes to food is to go at your own pace with eating foods that bring up challenging go signals. You may not feel ready for certain foods right now, and that’s okay. You can be strategic until you get more practice.
You can also go at your own pace when it comes to stop signals around food as well. It’s possible that you’ve developed some food fears over time and your brain is telling you not to eat them at all. Or it’s possible that when you do choose to eat certain foods, you feel extreme guilt and your brain says to stop eating them. It can be a gradual process to learn that you can choose to eat any food and override the guilt and the stop signals, but you don’t have to start eating anything and everything right away.
The overall message in this post is that your stop and go signals are a normal function of the primitive part of your brain, but you can use your higher brain to overcome these signals to make the choices that you want to make. You can do this with self-awareness and self-compassion. I hope that this discussion will help you learn to eat a fear food that you want to add back into your life or learn to find a reasonable stopping point when eating a food that is challenging for you.
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If you want more help as you stop binge eating and learn to eating normally (in spite of the stop and go signals), you can check out the following Brain over Binge resources:
One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.
Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.
Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.
Eating the Way You “Should”
Are you constantly telling yourself that your eating should be a certain way?
Do you believe you should never eat over a certain amount?
Do you think you should or should not be eating certain foods or at certain times?
When you have a lot of “shoulds” around eating, it creates pressure and stress each time you have a meal or snack.
I want to help you have more peace with food, and a big part of that is not getting caught up in thinking that there’s one right way that you should be eating at any given moment.
Are Your “Shoulds” Leading to Binges?
It’s exhausting to think that there are exact rules to follow with food or that you’re supposed to eat “right” at each meal. You may have thoughts saying, “you’re eating too much, or not enough, or at the wrong times, or too fast, or too slow, or in the wrong place, or with the wrong mindset.” It may feel like you’re always thinking your eating should somehow be different than what it is.
This gets more complicated when you have a binge eating habit, because what tends to happen is that the “shoulds” end up triggering urges to binge. This is because bingeing behavior is often strongly connected to breaking a diet or eating what you think is too much of something, and then thinking “screw it, I’ve already failed, I might as well eat everything and start over tomorrow.” If this has been your diet-binge pattern, then your brain will automatically suggest binge eating at times when you feel you messed up with your eating (even if you’re not trying to diet anymore).
In effect, your brain offers binge eating as a “solution” to eating in a way you think you shouldn’t have eaten.
For example, if you tell yourself that you should avoid food before a certain time of day, and then you eat something before that time, you may have thoughts like, “you’re a failure, you’ll never get it right, so you should just give up and binge.”
You Know You Should Not Be Bingeing
It’s important to realize that the brain has formed a connection between thinking that you did not eat right and encouraging you to eat in a way that you absolutely know that you should not be eating.
Looking at this logically, you can see that it doesn’t make sense. You know binge eating is the furthest thing from a solution to breaking your “shoulds” around food, but if you have this habitual pattern, it can seem very real and convincing in the moment. Instead of learning to accept imperfection in your eating, you may end up in a cycle of trying to eat perfectly, and then not being able to do that (because no one can eat perfectly!), and then jumping right back into bingeing.
You can certainly dismiss any urge to binge regardless of the what the binge-encouraging thoughts say, but what can also help in this specific situation is to stop thinking that you should be eating in a certain way in the first place.
Questioning the “Shoulds”
It’s difficult to go through life with rigid “shoulds” and a lot of self-criticism surrounding them. Even if you stop bingeing, you don’t want to continue this form of stress. Now, I realize there are certain people who need to eat in a certain way due to health issues/food allergies/sensitivities, and Brain over Binge Coach Julie and I recently discussed this in Episode 147: Redefining Restriction. However, most of the rules people create for themselves are not related to specific health problems, but instead, the rules are based on something they’ve heard or seen about the way they should be eating (and it’s usually aimed at weight-loss).
I want you to start questioning your “shoulds” surrounding food:
Where did these rules come from?
What if it’s not true that the way you think you should be eating is the way you really should be eating?
What if there are not any actual “shoulds” around food?
If we go back to the previous example of thinking you should not eat before a certain time in the day… What if that’s simply not true? Or what if that’s not true for you personally? Or what if it’s just not right for you right now? What if it’s totally optional to eat whenever you decide to?
A way you can recognize your should thoughts as just thoughts and not absolute truths is to consider that other people may have completely opposite should thoughts…
If you think that you should avoid eating in the morning, someone else might think they absolutely should eat breakfast because it’s the most important meal.
If you think you should not eat meat, there are people out there who think that they should be eating mostly or only meat.
If you think you should not eat carbohydrates, there are people out there who believe they should because the best diet is based primarily in carbohydrates.
I want you to start believing that you can make your own authentic decisions about food without all of the arbitrary rules. If there is truly something that you feel you need to change about your eating, there’s nothing wrong with making adjustments, but you can make those changes because you want to and from a place of self-care, not from a place of creating rigid “shoulds.”
Drop the “Shoulds,” Create More Peace with Food
You can learn to see that there are simply food choices—which are neutral–and then there is feedback from your body about what foods work best for you. Even if sometimes you choose to eat foods that don’t tend to make you feel good, you can just go on with your life without the self-criticism and without thinking that you “blew it and you might as well binge.”
I encourage you to start dropping the pressure that you’re putting on yourself and to consider that you should be eating in the way that you are eating in any given moment. (I’m of course talking about eating habits that are not bingeing).
It gives you so much freedom to think: “maybe I ate exactly as I should have in this situation.”
This is not about tricking yourself into thinking that you ate healthy when you clearly didn’t, or that you ate the perfect amount when you feel like you overate, but it is about accepting the way that you ate in that moment. Maybe there is something to learn from the way you ate, or maybe not, but either way, you can simply move on without all of the overthinking.
Consider that you can just eat and let it be what it is.
You can make a decision about food that you think is best for you (for whatever reason), eat the food, let go of any negative thoughts about it, and redirect your focus back to living. And then the next time you eat, you can just repeat this process—all the while thinking this is the way it should be.
Deciding what and when to eat is a lifelong journey, and you may certainly take into account health information, or what foods are going to make you feel the best, or what time it is, or when you’ll be eating again, or where you are, or who you’re eating with, or what foods you have available, or what you can even afford. But a sound decision for any given moment does not have to involve harsh “shoulds.”
Keep Food Decisions Neutral or Positive
If you stop to think about it, you could find flaws in any food decision, and even if you can’t, someone else probably could. You already know you can avoid a binge when you eat imperfectly, but you don’t even have to focus on the imperfection. You don’t have to tell yourself, “I did not eat perfectly, but that’s okay, I can still avoid a binge.” Yes, that’s true, but instead, you can choose to keep it neutral and just say, “I ate,” and that can be the end of the story for that meal or snack.
As I’ve said, there certainly may be lessons to take away from any eating experience, but there’s no use dwelling on what you feel was not perfect. You can even spin it in a positive direction by saying, “I ate, and it was delicious, or it was just what I needed, or it hit the spot, or it will give me energy for living.”
Positive after-meal thoughts will help train your brain to associate eating with decisiveness, confidence, and satisfaction, and it will break the habit of constantly second guessing yourself.
Giving yourself the freedom to decide what to eat without all of the “shoulds” does not mean that you’re going to suddenly start choosing all unhealthy foods. In fact, it will probably greatly improve your eating because you’ll avoid the mindset of thinking that you “blew it so you might as well eat everything in sight.”
You can still make healthy choices, but you can do that without rigid “shoulds.” Any healthier choices you make can be from your own insights into what is most helpful for you, and you can be kind to yourself in the process. You’ll realize that eating does not have to be so hard, and you’ll see that you’re doing so much better than you think.
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If you want more help as you let go of the “shoulds” and create more peace with food, you can check out the following Brain over Binge resources:
One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.
Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.
Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.
Eat Whatever You Want, Whenever You Want?
The idea of eating “whatever you want, whenever you want” is an often-discussed topic in the eating disorder recovery space. Some use this directive to encourage people to give up food restriction and food rules, and others speak out against the idea of eating “whatever you want, whenever you want,” saying that it’s unrealistic or will lead to overeating and poor food choices.
This phrase is also (incorrectly) used to describe the popular Intuitive Eating approach, which is much more nuanced than simply “eating whatever you want, whenever you want.” The original philosophy of Intuitive Eating was developed by Evelyn Tripoli and Elise Resh, and the basic premise is that your body knows what foods are best for you and how much you need to eat. So, if you can learn to follow that inner guidance, you’ll eventually be able to eat in a natural way and your body will be at the unique size that’s right for you. Intuitive eating involves tuning in to taste preferences and to how foods make you feel; it’s not just about following every food desire that you have.
If you are unsure if an intuitive approach to eating is right for you, you can listen to Episode 16: Eating Intuitively: Is it Right for You in Recovery from Binge Eating? or read this blog post: Is Intuitive Eating a Remedy for Binge Eating?. Also know that what I talk about in the rest of this post is not meant to be a reflection of the Intuitive Eating philosophy. I only wanted to mention it up front because it’s so strongly linked in many people’s minds to the idea of “eating whatever you want, whenever you want.”
Rethinking the Idea of Eating “Whatever You Want, Whenever You Want.”
Taken at face value, “eating whatever you want, whenever you want” seems to lack sound judgement and wisdom, but I’m going to turn the tables a bit here and say that maybe we should all be eating “whatever we want, whenever we want”…but only if we reinterpret this phrase.
Admittedly, throughout my years of working with binge eaters, I’ve been more on the side of people who say that “eating whatever you want, whenever you want” is unrealistic and can lead to eating an overabundance of highly stimulating, processed food. However, I’ve recently had new insights about this, realizing that I was interpreting this phrase in an overly simplistic way, and realizing it holds more truth than I’ve thought in the past.
Re-Examining the Meaning of “Wants”
As humans, we naturally have many desires and wants, and this is an absolutely normal part of our existence. Much of this wanting is fueled by our primitive brain and its reward/pleasure center, which naturally drives us toward behaviors that are going to keep us alive, help us experience pleasure, and allow us to avoid pain. Eating is a behavior that does all of the above.
Whether or not we struggle with a binge eating habit, we are going to want often and we’re going to want food often, and especially tasty food. It’s simply in our nature, and if we didn’t have this strong desire for food, we might not have survived as a species. Add to that the abundance of highly stimulating foods available to many of us today, and it’s easy to see why our normal cravings for food can get amplified. Some of us have stronger desires than others when it comes to food or other pleasures, and binge eaters have a glitch in this primitive reward system that makes them want massive amounts of food.
Primitive Wanting vs. Truly Wanting
What’s important to know is that having the experience of wanting something in the moment (because of our primitive drives) does not have much to do with what we actually, truly want for our lives.
Wanting is a feeling, a sensation, a type of energy that moves through us…but it is not us.
If we take another look at the phrase, “eat whatever you want, whenever you want,” you can see how this philosophy could potentially be harmful—because we do “want” often and we “want” food often. This can create a dilemma if we are fortunate enough to have access to food often, because even if we’re not actively eating—we may be smelling food, passing by it, seeing others eating it, and viewing advertising for it.
Normal eaters experience this too, but most people aren’t out there eating whatever they see, smell, or think about, or whenever their body creates the sensation of wanting around food. What normal eaters get good at is distinguishing what they actually, truly want from what they feel like they want in the moment.
Basically, a normal eater decides what “wants” to follow and what “wants” not to follow based on balancing their momentary desire for pleasure with their desire to feel good and to be able to function well in the world. A normal eater will certainly choose to eat just for pleasure sometimes and even do this more often than is ideal for health, especially in our modern food environment. But even when they eat purely for pleasure, it does not feel vastly out of line with their true self and the choices they want to be making.
I want or I want
Someone who is not making those conscious choices with food and instead feels driven by their momentary desires and cravings may say: “I eat whatever I want whenever I want.”
But someone who is making those conscious food choices would instead say, “I eat whatever I want, whenever I want.”
The difference is in what word is emphasized. If we emphasize the word I, it changes the whole experience and puts you back in control.
If you are instead focusing on the word want, and you are therefore eating every time you feel “wanting” around food, you are not allowing your true self to choose how you really want to be eating.
For example, your lower brain may want to constantly graze all day, but that doesn’t make you feel good. You realize that you actually feel better and more in touch with your appetite cues when you eat a few nourishing meals plus a couple snacks during the day, at generally the same times. That’s what you want to eat and when you want to eat, so when you eat in that way, you are in fact eating “whatever you want, whenever you want.” You’re making wise choices for yourself, and your additional, excessive wants and primitive brain desires are just along for the ride.
How Do You Handle “Wants” in the Rest of Your Life?
Think about all of the other things you don’t do (or don’t do exactly when you want to) because your higher brain has greater goals—goals not to go broke, or ruin your relationships, or lose your job. We all disregard momentary desires sometimes for more important wants, and honestly, sometimes we do the opposite in that we disregard our greater goals for some guilty pleasure…and that’s okay too! But it’s about choosing that balance for yourself—by connecting to what you actually want for your life and for your eating, and leaving room for enjoyment too.
This is never about banishing food pleasure, and conversely, it’s also never about trying to convince yourself that you really want to be on a strict eating plan that deprives your body of enough food. If you struggle with wanting to be too restrictive, listen to Episode 49: Can I Use the Brain over Binge Approach to Stick to Strict Eating Plans?
How Much Space Are You Giving Your “Wants”?
As I was thinking about this topic, I ran across an insightful and relevant post—part of which I’m going to share here—from one of my favorite authors and podcast creators, Forrest Hansen. He said…
“Much like dishes, laundry, and email, our wants never end. They expand to fill the space they’re allowed. We can never get to the bottom of dishes, laundry, or email. Doing email simply leaves us with more email to do as sending email means receiving more in return. Doing dishes today still means more tomorrow, and unfortunately, I never seem to run out of dirty clothing.
Our wants work the same way. Most people carry around this sense that if they could just get to the bottom of their wants, they’d finally be happy, but the truth is that our wants expand to fill the space they’re allowed. As we satisfy old wants, new ones appear to take their place and even when we’re currently enjoying that thing that we wanted, we can notice ourselves teleporting into the future, anticipating, planning, and desiring some new and slightly better version.
The problem isn’t just that our wants are never ending and constantly expanding, it’s that we can’t solve this problem by abandoning wants altogether. Important boxes must be checked for us to feel fulfilled. There is space for our wants, but the trick is to be thoughtful, not just about what wants we’re filling that space with, but how much space we’re allowing our wants to have. Are they in the passenger’s seat of the car or the driver’s seat?”
I hope that these words from Forrest Hansen and my discussion helps you see that you no longer have to be driven by your wants—in relation to food or anything else in your life—but you can get skilled at determining what you truly desire. You can learn to give yourself ample pleasure when it comes to food, while still not following the endless wants that are part of the human condition.
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If you want more help as you navigate this and as you create a way of eating that works for you, you can utilize the following Brain over Binge resources:
One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.
Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.
Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.
