Quick and Practical Advice to Help You Stop Binge Eating (Part V)

I am continuing my blog series to provide quick inspiration and practical advice about a variety of issues that may come up for you in binge eating recovery. (You can read additional advice in Part I, Part II, Part III, and Part IV)

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Showing up for yourself

On days that feel hard, read this…

“All progress is made when people who don’t feel like showing up for themselves show up anyway. Your power is wielded in your ability to act despite conflicting emotions. Feel your feelings, then get moving.”  -J. Mike Fields

This is not to say that you always need to push through and exhaust yourself. Sometimes rest and downtime is what you need. But it’s vital to realize that you can’t wait to feel good to take positive action, and you especially can’t wait to feel good to avoid the harmful action of a binge.

When you show up for yourself and say no to binges no matter how you feel, you will start to feel better and better!

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What if I eat emotionally?

Recovery from binge eating does not mean you will never eat emotionally again.

It’s simply not realistic to expect yourself to avoid every form of emotional eating that may come up. Emotions are always running through us, and pretty much every time you eat, you may be able to point to an emotion that could be theoretically linked to that eating. It’s sometimes hard to sort out what is actually emotional eating and what is just normal eating in times that you’re emotional.

It can become a little confusing and I think that’s why it’s important to realize that—even if you do eat something that seems to be driven by emotions—you can still stop after a reasonable amount and you can dismiss any urges to binge that may arise. In other words, emotional eating never needs to lead to binge eating.

I talk extensively about the relationship between emotional eating and binge eating in the Brain over Binge course, especially in Lesson 7. (The course is only $18.99 per month with no commitment.) 

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Stay binge-free even with persistent urges

It can feel frustrating to dismiss an urge only to have it come back not long after it settled down…

But when you start thinking things like “I can’t believe this is happening again!” or “why can’t these urges just leave me alone!” it puts your nervous system in a fight-or-flight state that makes it more difficult to dismiss the urge again.

Try not to be surprised that the urges keep coming back. After all, the lower brain thinks you need this habit, and producing urges is what it’s been conditioned to do. The less you are upset about the recurrence of the urges, the more accepting your mindset will be, and you can even welcome each urge as an opportunity to make the changes you want.

I’m not saying you’re going to like having the urges! But, to decondition the brain, you have to learn to be okay with having unmet desire to binge (no matter how often that desire shows up) until that desire fades away.

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What do you need to allow in recovery?

Do you fight against binge urges instead of letting them come and go?

Do you automatically start eating when you feel certain emotions?

Do you go into a full binge after feeling some discomfort from overeating?

Do you attempt to keep tight control over your weight?

While all of these issues may seem different, you can improve any of them by learning about the concept of allowing what is. When you develop an allowing mindset surrounding urges, food, weight, emotions, and more, you actually step into a much more powerful position to make positive changes.

Allowing what is is not being passive…it is letting the things you can’t control simply be. When you do this, you get your energy and focus back to use it on what you can control.

Coach Julie and I have a podcast episode about this topic, and I know you’ll find it helpful in many aspects of binge eating recovery:
Listen to Episode 142: Allowing What Is (with Coach Julie)

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Not eating mindfully?

You’re not alone if you find yourself not eating in a mindful way. Life is busy and challenging, and thankfully, mindfulness during meals is not a requirement for recovery.

You may have received the idea somewhere that you “should” be present while you are eating, and chew slowly, and pay close attention to the sensations of your body. All of this can certainly be helpful, especially if you are re-learning normal eating and re-establishing your hunger and fullness cues.

However, not eating mindfully does not make you destined to binge.

Your lower brain might produce a thought like, “you weren’t present enough and you didn’t really enjoy your food, so now you need the ‘pleasure’ of a binge.” This is neurological junk. The reality is that sometimes you just have to eat and move on, and you simply don’t have time to sit down and savor your food.

You’ll find the level of mindfulness that you want (depending on each situation), but always remember that you can dismiss binge urges no matter what.

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Eating outside of meals/snacks is not a binge

In Episode 147: Redefining Restriction, I mentioned that I generally like to eat 3 meals a day plus some snacks in between. Someone then reached out to ask: If you eat outside of these meals/snacks, do you consider that a binge? The answer is absolutely not.

Life is often challenging and unpredictable, and having meals and snacks is just a general framework, definitely not a rule. On extremely busy days, I sometimes just eat something whenever I feel hunger or when it seems like I need some energy, and this ends up looking like maybe 7-8 snacks. I sometimes eat a few large meals and no snacks, or sometimes only one actual meal and the rest just quick convenience food because it’s easy and I don’t have the bandwidth to put any effort into food.

The point here is that life doesn’t always line up with how I’d ideally like to be eating, and when I eat in a way that doesn’t fit that “ideal,” I never consider it a binge. My past binges were large and unmistakable, and after recovery, I told myself that if I had to ask if it was a binge or not, then it was not a binge.

This allowed me to confidently choose to eat in whatever reasonable way I wanted to, based on my available time and resources, without thinking I was wrong or broken. This also kept me from creating strict rules around my eating that could have led me back down the path of dieting.

I realize that for some, binges are less clearly defined, and that’s why there are significant sections of my course and 2nd book devoted to helping you define your binges. You can also find guidance in this blog post: Subjectivity in Binge Eating.

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Are low moods making food more appealing?

Feeling down or feeling negative emotions absolutely makes rewarding behaviors more enticing. This, combined with the reality that food is the easiest form of reward that most of us have access to, creates a scenario that sets us up to feel driven toward food during low moods.

Even people who never struggle with binge eating can develop some emotional eating habits over time. Everyone probably “uses” food for reasons other than true hunger to some extent. To keep this in balance, it’s about learning to consciously choose instead of feeling like food has control over you.

For more help with this (especially if negative emotions are connected to your binge eating), listen to Episode 39: Q&A: Emotional Attachment to Binge Eating

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Would you tell a friend to binge?

We often tell ourselves that a binge “makes sense” for one reason or another, and one common reason you may come up with is that you’ve already eaten something unhealthy, or you’ve already broken a resolution to avoid a certain food, so you might as well binge.

It can be helpful to take a step back and think about what you’d tell a friend who broke a resolution or ate something unhealthy…

Would you tell them all is lost and that they might as well eat all of the junk food?

Of course not!

However, you may believe this same logic when it comes from your own thoughts. A big part of binge eating recovery is learning to recognize these faulty, lower-brain thoughts and realize they don’t represent your truth.

Instead, you’d tell a friend that whether or not they stick to their other resolutions, a binge never makes sense and always leads to more pain. You’d tell them that regardless of their food choices, a binge does not bring them any closer to improving their eating habits.

You can treat yourself the same way you’d treat a friend—knowing that whether or not you are “successful” with your eating, you never have to binge… and that is a huge success!!

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This advice is taken from weekly emails I send to encourage recovery. If you’d like to receive my emails (and monthly newsletter) going forward, all you need to do is enter your email address on this page.

When you sign up, you also get the free “Brain over Binge Inspiration Booklet” and the free course track, “Manage Your Mindset After a Binge”.
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More help:

If you want extra guidance as you learn to give up binge eating, here are some resources for additional support:

One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute or 20-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.

Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.

Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.

Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.

Ep. 174: The Magic of Consistency (with Coach Julie)

Ep. 173: Honoring and Balancing Your Body with Ayurveda (with Nidhi Pandya)

Quick and Practical Advice to Help You Stop Binge Eating (Part IV)

I am continuing my blog series to provide quick inspiration and practical advice about a variety of issues that may come up for you in binge eating recovery. (You can read additional advice in Part I, Part II, Part III)

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Not binge eating is a gift to yourself

The binge urges will make you feel like binge eating is a gift—that it’s what you “want, need, and deserve.” Your thoughts will tell you that the binge will provide “excitement, pleasure, escape, relief”…

But you know by now that the binge doesn’t deliver on what the urge promises. Not only does it bring pain, shame, stress, and isolation, it takes you away from yourself, your life, and the people and causes you care about. In the moment of an urge, you may think that what’s you want, but when you step back and think about who you are and who you want to be, you realize that dismissing the urge is the true gift to yourself.

When you don’t binge, you open yourself up to truly experiencing life, even the most challenging parts, and connecting with everything that matters to you.

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Separate from the dieting voice

It’s usually easier for a binge eater to see that the binge urges are not from their higher self, but they hold on to the belief that the voice encouraging restrictive dieting is their true voice.” – Brain over Binge Recovery Guide, pg. 96

In order to quit binge eating, it’s vital to stop depriving yourself of necessary nourishment. If you are having trouble eating enough food, it could be because the harmful dieting mindset has become as much of a habit as the binge eating. Once you spend enough time on restrictive diets, or engaging in excessive exercise, the voice encouraging those behaviors can be intrusive and incessant as well.

It’s important to start to separate from that dieting voice—knowing that depriving yourself of necessary food is not an effective way to lose weight and will prevent recovery from binge eating. Even if dieting feels like what you truly want to do, you can unlearn the harmful restrictive behaviors and give yourself the nourishment you need to end the eating disorder and thrive

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Using success to justify a binge

Do you experience this common binge-encouraging thought?
I’ve done so well, one binge isn’t a big deal, it will be easy to get back on track.

Although success breeds success, your lower brain may sometimes try to use your success to justify a binge. You may notice that after a certain number of binge-free days, your lower brain starts producing thoughts telling you that you should take a “break” from recovering.

Not acting on these thoughts is vital to your success. Remind yourself that your success doesn’t mean you deserve a binge; it means you are one step closer to solidifying new neural pathways that no longer support binge eating, and that is what you truly deserve

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Wanting to not binge

When you feel like you are forcing yourself to avoid a binge, it feels hard. It feels like you’re denying yourself something you actually want.
When you feel this way, think about this…

What if by bingeing, you are actually denying yourself something you truly want—which is to not binge.

You wouldn’t be reading this blog post if binge eating was something you really wanted in your life. If it was your true desire, you would be enjoying it, not experiencing any consequences, and definitely not seeking recovery resources.

Even though you may be able to see this rationally, the problem is—in the moments when urges are present—you forget, and you believe the lower brain.

The remedy for this is to develop a mindset of wanting to dismiss the binge urges. Channel the belief that you are choosing to accept any discomfort the urge brings because you want to avoid the binge. When your lower brain tries to make you feel sorry for yourself that you can’t binge, remind yourself that it’s not that you can’t, it’s that you want to make this change.

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Lack of motivation during urges?

I want to share something that came up in 1:1 coaching last week that I believe would benefit everyone to hear:

It’s okay to feel unmotivated during urges. 

It’s normal to feel like you don’t want to dismiss the urge, it’s expected that you’ll feel like a binge is appealing in that moment, it’s a given that you’ll temporary not care about your reasons for recovery. This does not actually mean that you lack motivation, it just means the urges are passing through. When that primitive, pleasure-seeking, lower-brain state is in charge, you are in a different mindset than when you are feeling rational and inspired to recover.

The goal during urges is not motivation, it’s acceptance of whatever feelings, thoughts, sensations, and desires arise, while knowing you aren’t going to act on them. For example, you may feel sad or depressed that you can’t binge, but that’s okay. Try to stay as detached as possible from those feelings, knowing that the sadness will lift and you’ll be so happy you didn’t binge.

When the urges pass, you’ll again connect with your motivation and your desire to be free of this habit!

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What about distracting yourself?

Distraction can have a place. You can do countless things during an urge, and there is no right or wrong here.

But when it comes to distraction, know that no alternate activity can satisfy the urge to binge.

This is something you’ve probably experienced and it’s completely normal. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or the activities you are choosing. It’s just that those primal, habitual brain pathways are calling for a binge, not any other option.

The important thing to remember about doing something else during an urge is that the goal of doing something else is not to make the urge go away. The urge has to naturally go away on its own, and you can do whatever uniquely helps you allow the urge to pass.

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Did you “fail” or just eat?

You may have “I failed” or “I’ve blown it” thoughts after eating treats or other delicious foods. It’s important to step back and realize that these are thoughts and not objective indicators, and it’s possible to have different thoughts.

Someone else might eat in the exact same way that you do, and they think it was “delicious” or “amazing” or “wonderfully filling,” or just “okay” or maybe even “a bit too much.” Then, they move on with their life, focusing on other things, while you are thinking that you did something awful by eating in that same way.

If you have subjective food rules for yourself, and you don’t follow one of the food rules—then you simply did not follow one of your subjective food rules. That’s all that’s happened. You can move on from it, realizing that there is no one right way to eat anyway. It doesn’t mean you’ve “failed,” and it especially doesn’t mean you should go on and do something more harmful (like continue overeating or bingeing). The thoughts that want to use “imperfect” eating as a justification to binge are neurological junk.

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Self-respect over feelings

I recently shared the following quote on Instagram and I want to explain how you can use it as you end harmful habits:

“Your self-respect has to be stronger than your feelings.” 

The quote is in reference to relationships (from Jimmy Knowles), but overcoming urges to binge is—in many ways—like pulling yourself away from an unhealthy or toxic relationship. You are going to feel like you want to engage in the habit at times (that’s just how the brain’s reward center works), just like you are going to sometimes feel attached to a person who you know is not right for you. But your self-respect can still win out.

Even when the habit seems appealing, you can know deeply that binge eating is not in line with who you are or who you want to be, just like you can know that a person you have feelings for is not aligned with what you truly need or want. It’s okay to feel a temporary sense of loss for the harmful habit or relationship, but always remember to put self-respect over feelings!

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This advice is taken from weekly emails I send to encourage recovery. If you’d like to receive my emails (and monthly newsletter) going forward, all you need to do is enter your email address on this page.

When you sign up, you also get the free “Brain over Binge Inspiration Booklet” and the free course track, “Manage Your Mindset After a Binge”.
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More help:

If you want extra guidance as you learn to give up binge eating, here are some resources for additional support:

One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private and highly personalized session with Kathryn or Coach Julie. You will learn to change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.

Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.

Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.

Brain over Binge Books – Get Brain over Binge and the Brain over Binge Recovery Guide on Amazon and Audible.

Ep. 169: Overcoming “Yeah, Buts” (with Coach Julie)

Ep. 167: Healthy Goal Setting and Sustainable Change in the New Year (with Marcus Kain)

Ep. 166: Rein in Overeating & Overdrinking During the Holidays (with Patrick Fox)

Ep. 165: Following Through in Recovery (with Coach Julie)