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Healthy eating and binge eating recovery

What is Healthy Eating?

In this post, I’m going to address the topic of what “healthy” eating means. This a big topic that one post could not possibly cover, but I’m going to give you some ideas that I hope will help you as you overcome binge eating. Before I begin, you need to know that I am not a nutrition expert, and I do not claim to have the answers on what to eat to maintain optimal health. I’ve been recovered from binge eating for a very long time, but that does not mean I eat a perfectly healthy diet.

Eating in a healthy way and stopping binge eating are two different objectives. You can be completely free of binge eating without eating in a healthy way, and on the other hand, you can eat only healthy foods and still binge.

In other words, you don’t have to eat healthy to recover from bulimia or binge eating disorder. Thinking that healthy eating is a requirement for recovery can actually make recovery much more difficult, because healthy eating can be a difficult endeavor even for someone who does not have an eating disorder. Try to start viewing healthy eating as a life improvement goal that is not specific to eating disorder recovery.

I’ve definitely made improvements to my eating habits since I let go of the harmful binge eating habit. Those improvements came rather naturally once I was no longer sabotaging my health with binge eating. I don’t eat as many processed foods as I used to, and I try to cook more and eat more “real” foods. I still would like to make more improvements in my family’s eating habits; but lately, I’ve come upon a stumbling block of trying to sort out what is healthy and what is not.

It seems like if you name any food, there is some expert who could label it unhealthy. We’ve all heard that sugar and processed foods aren’t good for us; however, more and more foods are being villainized based on some scientific study, popular theory, or anecdotal evidence. (On a side note: I don’t think it’s helpful to label foods as “bad” or “forbidden”, and I think that everything in moderation is okay, provided there are no major health problems.)

There are nutritional experts claiming that dairy, wheat, soy, meat, eggs, starches, fruit, anything that isn’t organic, certain oils, coffee, and even all whole grains and legumes are detrimental to our health. To make matters even more confusing, there are usually experts on the other side saying those same foods are fine, or even very healthy for us. Then, expert opinions can change over time and new research can prove previous advice wrong.

I personally can get a bit overwhelmed by this, and I know I’m not alone. I think ultimately, we all have to decide what foods/eating habits work for us, regardless of what the popular consensus is, or what the latest nutritional research claims to prove. I think it can be great to learn about nutrition, but I also think it’s important to keep in mind that nutrition is highly individual. What might be healthy for one person might not be for another, because of food sensitivities, allergies, health conditions, various physiological factors, or simply preferences.

If you are someone who wants to focus on healthy eating, I would suggest for you to be open to what “healthy” may mean for you personally. Don’t get locked in to what one expert or theory says. Just make the best choices you can based on your own knowledge, common sense, and feedback from your body, and know that it will never be perfect. Experiment with what you like and don’t like, aim to nourish yourself well, and know that once you stop binge eating, it will be much easier to make other eating improvements.

It’s important to remember that nutrition is not the only factor in good health, and it can be very helpful to focus on the other factors so that you don’t become obsessive about food. Turning your attention to improving relaxation, recreation, sleep, and hydration are all great ways to take care of yourself without getting overly concerned about what you are eating. For many people, going through all of the extra trouble (and spending the extra money) in order to ensure a perfectly healthy diet can cause so much stress that it offsets any benefits of the healthy eating. It’s okay if you can’t manage to always eat organic, gluten/dairy/soy-free everything; because there are other ways you can improve your health.

I think an ideal way to approach healthy eating is to keep it simple, allow for imperfections, and eat in a way that you think is healthy for you personally (without worrying much about constantly changing nutritional advice). Also, don’t let the goal of improving your health lead to unhealthy stress in your life.

To end this post, I want to share a quote from my wonderful friend who went back to school to get a master’s degree in health education and who always has great advice on this topic. She told me recently that she believes in “balancing nutrition with sanity”. I think that’s a great perspective, and can help you as you make any healthy changes to your eating.

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More help:

If you want extra guidance as you learn to stop binge eating and learn to eat in a way that works for you, here are some resources for additional support:

Brain over Binge Course – Self-paced online lessons (plus an app) for only $18.99/month. Includes over 125 tracks to listen to that give you the information and answers you need as you end binge eating.

Group Coaching – Get help from coach Julie and support from others who are overcoming this habit. Includes a forum that is open 24/7, group coaching calls, mindfulness resources, plus course access.

One-on-one Coaching – Book a 45-minute private session with coach Julie. She will help you change your thinking, uncover what is holding you back, and get on a path to complete freedom from food issues.

Non-Hungry Cravings

by Kathryn Hansen

Most people experience at least some cravings for pleasurable foods even when they are not hungry. Those of you who have read my book or followed my blog know that I believe choosing to give in to some “non-hungry” cravings every now and then is perfectly normal. In order to recover from bulimia/BED, of course you must deny the body/brain the binges it’s been conditioned to crave; however, I don’t think denying it of pleasure completely is necessary.

The fact that most people have food cravings, even when they are not truly hungry should come as no surprise. We are wired to enjoy food. Food is good; it’s meant to be pleasurable – after all, it’s how we survive. I don’t think there is a species on earth that views eating as a chore. The pleasure of eating is one mechanism that motivates us to stay alive. Unlike some nutritional experts, I don’t fully blame non-hungry cravings on an overabundance of “junk food” in society or a less than ideal diet; because even if you have perfectly healthy diet, you probably enjoy certain foods in particular and crave them sometimes when you are not truly hungry- even if they are the healthiest of foods.

When you stop binge eating and your urges to binge fade away, that doesn’t mean every food craving will disappear. I think keeping this in mind is very important, as is realizing that not every craving for pleasurable food is a craving to binge. Just because “non-hungry cravings” might feel similar in some ways to binge cravings, remember that “non-hungry” cravings are not eating-disorder specific.

However, it’s also important to realize you aren’t powerless against these “non-hungry” cravings either. If you have been successful in refraining from binge urges; I believe you can use some of the same techniques to refrain from any food cravings that are bothersome to you. However, I think learning to resist all “non-hungry” cravings is over-reaching and not necessary. I think it can even be harmful in some cases if it leads to a “dieting” mindset (having very rigid, restrictive eating habits; denying your body of sufficient calories), which as you know, can lead to more urges to binge.

If you are bothered by what you think are too frequent food cravings when you aren’t truly hungry, I would suggest first making sure you are eating enough. Even though you may have just had a meal when you find yourself craving a little more, maybe you simply didn’t eat enough. In other words, maybe your “non-hungry” cravings really aren’t that at all, maybe they are a signal that you aren’t feeding your body sufficiently. In this case, you may want to consider adding more calories to your diet; because if your body/brain gets the message that you are food deprived, the food cravings and even the binge urges may persist.

But, what if you are eating enough but find yourself having too many annoying non-hungry cravings? Like I said, addressing all the possible causes is beyond the scope of this blog and my book, and I am certainly not a nutritional expert; but I will attempt to address some aspects of this broad topic here.

Food cravings definitely have a physiological basis. Hormone imbalances, nutritional deficiencies, insulin resistance, food allergies, hypoglycemia, adrenal imbalances, and even something as simple as thirst can cause an overabundance of food cravings. In order to break these food cravings, some nutritional/medical experts recommend not only avoiding the foods you crave, but also addressing the physiological factors that may be involved (by doing such things as taking nutritional supplements, changing the composition of your diet to include more protein and fat, getting more healthy exercise, drinking more water…etc). Of course, many therapists apply the “emotional eating” perspective here, asserting that you crave pleasurable foods in an effort to cope with/stuff down/avoid feelings. If you’ve read my previous blogs or my book, you’ll know that I don’t think that perspective is useful for a lot of people. But the physiological basis of your non-hungry cravings might be worth exploring if you feel like those cravings are not in the range of normal.

There are three things I think are important to keep in mind, however, if you do attempt to address the physiological causes of food cravings.

First: The pleasure problem. Some experts believe that if you crave a certain food too often, like chocolate for example, that food has a nutrient in it that your body is deficient in. Following this example…chocolate is high in magnesium, so in theory, if you take magnesium supplements, it should make your craving for chocolate go away. To illustrate, the following quote is from a book on adrenal fatigue – a condition resulting from stress that can make one crave “pick me up” foods like sugar/caffeine.

“…it is much better to use your cravings for chocolate as a reminder to get your magnesium from some other source. The easiest solution is to supplement your diet with 400mg of magnesium per day. That physical craving for chocolate should decrease rapidly, often within one to two weeks after beginning the magnesium supplement.” (Adrenal Fatigue: The 21st Century Stress Syndromeby James L .Wilson, pg. 157-158)

To me, this logic sounds a bit similar to the logic that says to use a binge craving as a reminder that you have an unmet emotional need that you should address. While this nutritional deficiency theory is valuable, it fails to address the pleasure issue. Does 400 mg of magnesium in supplement form taste as good as chocolate? Does it provide whatever pleasurable benefits the individual receives from chewing and swallowing it and allowing it to alter their brain chemistry? Whatever the reason someone starts eating chocolate too often in the first place, I can guarantee that the reward system in the brain becomes involved and lights up every time the individual takes a bite. Even if you correct the nutritional deficiencies or other theoretical physiological causes, your primitive brain might still send urges for the rewarding nature of the foods you crave. Addressing physiological causes also fails to address behavioral conditioning, which is the second thing you should keep in mind. Following too many food cravings can become a habit.

All the thoughts/situations/feelings that make you feel compelled to reach for pleasurable foods when you aren’t truly hungry become wired into your brain, and correcting nutritional deficiencies or other theoretical physiological causes of cravings won’t necessarily turn off those automatic thoughts.

The third thing that is important to consider is the issue of self-control. The book I referenced above was one of the many books I purchased during my eating disorder that I thought would help with the binge eating. I self-diagnosed myself with adrenal fatigue (I did have most of the symptoms) and thought if the book claimed to help people overcome cravings for sugar/carbs, then it could help me with my binge eating. One sentence from it typifies why it didn’t help me much…on page 226, the author says, “Do not eat foods that adversely affect you in any way, no matter how good they taste or how much you crave them.” The lack of control I felt over my binge eating at the time made following the author’s advice impossible. This is why I believe telling binge eaters to eat a specific diet, or eat/don’t eat certain foods in order to address theoretical physiological causes of binge cravings often fails. It fails to address the fact that binge eaters often don’t feel like they have a choice.

This is why I believe it’s so important to know (and experience) that you fundamentally have control over your eating behavior (whether we are talking about binge eating or non-hungry cravings), regardless of what is going on in your body and brain at the time; and even if there are surely some physiological factors involved.

Pain

by Kathryn Hansen

I was thinking some today about emotional pain, and it’s connection with binge eating and other addictions. The common belief is that addicted people use their substance of choice to numb themselves to pain. In the past, this belief was reserved primarily for users of alcohol and drugs; but now binge eating, overeating, shopping, gambling, pornography, and even texting and facebooking are often considered addictions that are used to numb out pain.

In therapy, I indeed learned that I binged to avoid pain; and for a long time, I believed that was true. It’s certainly true that a side effect of binge eating and other addictions is temporary distraction from pain and numbing of emotions. However, that’s usually not the primary motivation, and most addicted people know – at least at some level – that the temporary avoidance of pain isn’t worth it and only makes things worse in the long run.

Moreover, the addicted person doesn’t always consider the numbing of pain to be a positive side effect.When I go back through my old journals, I find evidence that I didn’t want the temporary distraction that binge eating brought. I found a journal entry from 2001 where I jotted down: “I want to feel everything. Not full. Not fat.”I wanted all the emotions in my life; I didn’t want to “push them down with food,” as my therapists suggested I was doing.At any point during my binge eating, if someone would have offered me the choice between 1.) being free of binge eating and feeling every bit of the pain in my life OR 2.) continuing binge eating and avoiding some feelings temporarily; I would have chosen option 1 without any hesitation. Yet, I reported time and time again to myself in my journals, or to my therapists that my episodes of binge eating were because of this or that painful event or feeling. It never felt quite right to me, and I eventually realized that it wasn’t. I kept binge eating because I had developed a habit and I felt powerless against my urges; and believing that eating was a way to cope with pain only compounded the problem.

I began thinking about this issue tonight while my husband and I were watching the Monday Night Football pregame show. There was a story about a former quarterback whose son committed suicide; and after that horrific tragedy, the quarterback buried himself in alcohol. I can’t even imagine being in this man’s situation, and the incredible pain he must have endured, and still endures day after day.

Did the alcohol make this man’s pain go away? Likely not. But, did the temporary distraction seem worth it to him at the time? Probably. So, in effect, he was choosing to drink to temporarily avoid his pain. I would never judge this man, or anyone under such emotional duress for their choices; and I do not deny that there can be a similar dynamic at work in some cases of binge eating. Trying to get someone undergoing such extreme emotional trauma to avoid acting on their urges to binge would likely be a losing battle. They would not want to stop because the temporary distraction is what they feel they need.

This is one of the reasons why I say in my book that I unquestionably agree with therapy on one thing – that the first step in recovery is wanting to recover. However, this statement is a little redundant because most people who don’t want to recover aren’t actively seeking therapy or recovery.It’s usually only after the person realizes that the temporary numbness isn’t worth it that he/she seeks help for the addiction. Might the emotional pain then need to be dealt with in therapy? Absolutely. Nevertheless, once a substance addiction forms (for whatever reason), the urges will continue to arise; and I believe, need to be dealt with as a separate issue. Dealing with emotional pain doesn’t necessarily make the urges for the substance go away.

Even though addictions and eating disorders might sometimes develop as ways of dealing with severe pain, we can NOT treat all eating disorders and addictions that way. I believe assuming that everyone who binges does so to cope with pain – no matter how minor or severe – does a disservice to many.

Subjectivity in Binge Eating

by Kathryn Hansen

If you never binged again, what would that mean to you? I’m not talking about all the ways in which your life would be better or the relief you would feel to put your eating disorder behind you; I’m talking about something much more simple. I’m talking about defining the behavior you want to get rid of. If you commit to never binge, you may need to give some thought to what you won’t be doing, because binge eating can be a subjective experience.

Defining Binges

There is not a calorie cutoff where any more is a binge and any less is not, and the clinical definition of binge eating leaves room for interpretation. According to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), a binge eating episode is characterized by:

Eating a larger amount of food than normal during a short period of time (i.e., within any two hour period)
Lack of control over eating during the binge episode (i.e., the feeling that one cannot stop eating)

The DSM also says that binge eating episodes are associated with three or more of the following:

Eating until feeling uncomfortably full
Eating large amounts of food when not physically hungry
Eating much more rapidly than normal
Eating alone because you are embarrassed by how much you’re eating
Feeling disgusted, depressed, or guilty after overeating

All of my binges had the characteristics above; but I think more importantly, I could define my binges by what they felt like. There was an unmistakable mindset and way of eating; I just knew on an intuitive level what I considered a binge, and what I did not consider a binge. It seems to me that the majority of people who binge also have the same intuitive clarity about defining their binges, or they develop that intuitive clarity by observing their behavior and increasing their awareness surrounding their eating. However, some people do get stuck trying to figure out what is a binge for them and what is not, and if that’s the case for you, it is even more important for you to give some thought to what quitting binge eating will mean.

Don’t Let Perfectionism Influence Your Binge Definition

I believe it’s important not to overthink what is a binge and what is not. A lot of people with eating disorders have perfectionistic personalities and might get caught up in trying to have an ideal diet. If you are aiming to eat perfectly, you may find yourself wondering if all non-hungry eating should be considered binge eating, or if overeating should be in the same category as bingeing, or if you should include eating any amount of junk food in your definition of a binge. It’s important for you to know that these behaviors should not be automatically classified as binge eating.

You never want to have a definition of a binge that requires your eating to be overly restrictive or requires you to eat perfectly. There is certainly a point when overeating or eating junk food can become problematic and can cross the line into binge eating, but there is subjectivity in where that line is, and only you can truly decide.

I think I would have driven myself crazy if I would have treated every craving for junk food or every desire to eat when I wasn’t hungry as an urge to binge. I think it was important that I defined my binges by what I knew them to be, and not by over-analyzing or creating rigid food rules for myself. I do value health and eating well, but eating in a way that is less than perfect is perfectly normal.

Awareness Helps You Define Binges and Dismiss Urges

Be curious about defining your binges. Try to see when you personally, subjectively feel like you are going from normal (imperfect) eating to what you would consider binge eating. Heighten your awareness to notice what is happening, how it feels, what you think, and what behaviors are present that are typical of your binges.

When you are first learning to recognize your binges and separate them from your more normal eating habits, you may only have insight into what happened after the binge. But, if you remain aware, you will start to see clearly what’s happening during a binge, and then before you start a binge, so that you can choose not to act on the urges and not engage the habit.

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If you need more help with this, the self-paced Brain over Binge Cours e guides you through defining your binges and recognizing your urges.

You can also get personalized help with one-on-one coaching or group coaching.

A Spiritual Connection in Recovery and Neuroscience?

by Kathryn Hansen

A few months after my book was published, a family member told me that some of the concepts I talk about in my book tie into his personal spiritual path (he is Hindu). I don’t consider myself a spiritual person, although I am highly interested in religion and spirituality; and I hope to find my way to some form of faith one day.When I was writing my book, I knew there were some similarities between what I’d done to recover – which ultimately was a form of mindfulness – and Buddhist meditation. However, at the time I actually quit binge eating, I did not think I was doing anything even remotely spiritual.In fact, I thought it was the opposite of spiritual because I was relying on myself – my own will, my own brain – to stop binge eating, and I wasn’t sure I even believed in God at the time.

But, a year after my recovery when I read The Mind and The Brain: Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force, a book I quote from frequently in my own book; I realized that there may have been something more philosophical, more spiritual, to what I’d done. The author of the book, Jeffrey Schwartz, taught his OCD patients to observe their own thoughts in such a way that allowed them to turn attention away from the harmful OCD urges and therefore resist them. In his book, he makes a connection between his OCD therapy and Buddhist mindfulness meditation.I didn’t include information about this in my book, because it wasn’t something I explored too much. It was an intriguing afterthought, not something that helped me understand my bulimia or helped me recover.However, the comments from my relative after my book was published got me thinking about it more, and realizing that maybe meditation could help me in other aspects of my life.

I am mentioning this now because I came across a book this week in a used book store while I was there for storytime with my kids.It’s called The Art of Living by S.N. Goenka, and it details an ancient form of meditation from India calledVipassana mediation.I have only read a few paragraphs here and there when I have a minute;but I’ve read enough to realize what my relative was talking about when telling me the concepts in my book relate to certain spiritual philosophies.

Below I’ve included quotes from a particular section of The Art of Living, and even though they aren’t referencing binge eating specifically, I think they could be useful to anyone who wants to quit.The paragraphs below may help you begin to view the urge to binge differently – not as something to dislike or try to fight; but as something to let come and go, without letting it lead to strong craving and wrong action. For anyone who may have already been helped by the approach in my book, I hope this can possibly give you something to think about and explore.

“The Way to Liberation…

By developing awareness and equanimity, one can liberate oneself from suffering.Suffering begins because of ignorance of one’s own reality.In the darkness of this ignorance, the mind reacts to every sensation with liking or disliking, craving or aversion. […]

These momentary, unconscious reactions of liking and disliking are immediately multiplied and intensified into great craving and aversion, into attachment, producing misery now and in the future.This becomes a blind habit which one repeats mechanically.

By the practice of [Vipassana meditation], we develop awareness of every sensation. And we develop equanimity: We do not react. We examine the sensation dispassionately, without liking or disliking it, without craving, aversion, or attachment. Instead of giving rise to fresh reactions, every sensation now gives rise to nothing but wisdom, insight:’This is impermanent, bound to change, arising to pass away.’

The chain has been broken, suffering has been stopped. There is no fresh reaction or craving or aversion, and therefore no cause from which sufferings can arise.The cause of suffering is the mental deed, that is, the blind reaction of craving and aversion. When the mind is aware of sensation but maintains equanimity, there is no such reaction, no cause that will produce suffering.We have stopped making the suffering for ourselves.[...]

The entire effort is to learn how not to react. A sensation appears, and liking or disliking begins. This fleeting moment, if we are unaware of it, is repeated and intensified into craving and aversion, becoming a strong emotion that eventually overpowers the conscious mind.We become caught up in the emotion, and all our better judgment is swept aside. The result is that we find ourselves engaged in unwholesome speech and action, harming ourselves and others.We create misery for ourselves, suffering now and in the future, because of one moment of blind reaction.

But if we are aware at the point where the process of reaction begins – that is, if we are aware of the sensation – we can choose not to allow any reaction to occur or to intensify.We observe the sensation without reacting, neither liking or disliking it.It has no chance to develop into craving or aversion, into powerful emotion that can overwhelm us; it simply arises and passes away.”

By remaining detached from my urges to binge, I did not dislike them or try to push them away; I did not begin thinking of how much I “liked” to binge; I did not develop strong craving; and I did not attach myself to the urges, thinking I “needed” to binge for this or that reason.I maintained equanimity, as Goenka puts it, and the urges gradually went away.What Schwartz explains in The Mind and the Brainis that once we can observe and remain detached from thoughts/urges in this way, neuroscience shows that we exert real physical changes in our brains.There are many deep implications here about volition, mind, matter, responsibility for our own actions, and spirituality. Schwartz says, “what is new here is that a question with deep philosophical roots, as well as profound philosophical and moral implications, can finally be addressed (if not yet fully solved) through science.”We now know that we can change our own brains by how we choose to think and what we choose to do; and this gives great credibility to the profound change that spirituality often brings people, and it should also give individuals with eating disorders great hope for recovery.

Drug Addict Status

by Kathryn Hansen

If you are a binge eater, even if you have never seen the research, you know that there are similarities between food addiction and drug addiction. A recent study showing that you can get hooked on food the same way you can get hooked on drugs.

This study found what binge eaters sense – that in the brains of some, certain foods can “elicit cravings and trigger responses similar to those caused by addictive drugs.”

I think binge eaters sometimes find comfort in studies like these which confirm their suspicions that their behavior is indeed addictive. “It’s my crack,” I’ve often heard binge eaters and even non-binge eaters say when talking about their favorite foods; and when studies come out that prove food can really be “like crack” to the body and brain, it validates what they already suspect to be true. I know when I was a binge eater, I certainly found comfort in thinking I was “like a drug addict.” But, why is this? Why did I find comfort in giving myself drug addict status?

I think likening myself to someone addicted to drugs made my problem more legitimate in my mind. It seemed all to weird, disgusting, and embarrassing to be hooked on enormous amounts of food; but if binge eating were indeed as addictive as shooting heroin, then maybe I wasn’t merely crazy or gluttonous after all. If I were like a drug addict, then maybe I really couldn’t control myself, I thought; and that’s precisely what the study linked above suggests.

The lead author of the study said that food addiction is “a combination of intense wanting coupled with disinhibition.” But, just because we can see “intense wanting” and “disinhibition” light up on a brain scan, does that mean the person has no control? I believe, even if there is some bungled brain circuitry causing someone to crave too much pleasurable food too intensely, and even if there is some under-activity in the executive areas of the brain that can inhibit actions; the person can still find ways to overcome those brain wiring issues. As humans, we can rise above our intense wanting for the greater good, and we can learn to inhibit.

While I think studies like the one above are useful, I think we have to be careful as a society not to give too many negative behaviors addiction status and not let differences in brain scans excuse too many actions. We could run into major problems if we eventually say that “intense wanting coupled with disinhibition” renders people helpless to control themselves. I can think of many wrong actions where this combination of intense wanting and disinhibition is present. Think of criminal offenses as extreme examples – shoplifting, robbery, rape; and moral dilemmas such as affairs, teen promiscuity, and pornography. Also, think of small children – every day they exhibit behaviors indicative of intense wanting coupled with disinhibition. If my daughter’s brain were to be scanned while she is shown a picture of a toy, I’m sure those same “intense wanting” areas would light up in her brain. Does this mean she must have the toy? It’s the same with the subjects in the study above. It’s not a food addict’s fault they want the pleasurable food more and in greater amounts than others do; but in most cases, despite the brain processes at work, they still remain capable of learning to say no.

To recover from binge eating, I had to believe I could indeed control myself – whether I labeled my problem an “addiction” or not. I had to dismiss the belief that “intense wanting” could make me do anything. Strong desire is nothing in and of itself – it cannot make one act, and I had a choice or whether or not to let it get the best of me. Once I stopped letting it get the best of me – in other words, once I learned to inhibit – the intense wanting subsided.

Listen to Your Body?

by Kathryn Hansen

When my son Max (who is now 4) was about 2 years old, he began asking me during mealtime:”can I be done?” At first, I’d just asked him if he’d had enough, and if he said “yes,” I’d let him leave the table. However, he soon began asking “can I be done?” after the first or second bite; and he would get annoyed if I asked him to eat a little more. He later began asking, “how many bites do I have to take before I can be done?” Mealtimes quickly stopped being enjoyable because he only seemed to want to get back to playing instead of taking the time to eat and enjoy his food; and I didn’t feel comfortable insisting that he eat a certain number of bites or offering him more tasty (and usually more unhealthy) food choices as substitutes for what I’d prepared. It didn’t feel natural to me, and went against the philosophy I believed in before he was old enough to eat.

Before I began feeding him solids, I had a picture in my mind of how I wanted him to eat. I wanted him to be able to follow his own hunger and fullness signals, and I wanted to have a relaxed attitude around food – not forcing him to eat things he didn’t like, and also not putting any “unhealthy” foods off limits; but I also wanted to offer him healthy choices for the most part and have structure around his meal and snack times. I quickly learned that teaching a child to rely on his own hunger and fullness signals is more complex than I thought it would be.

When mealtimes became a struggle, I decided to start talking to Max about how to “listen to his body” (my husband jokingly made fun of me for using this phrase, but I thought the phrase brought the concept down to a child’s level). “What is your body telling you, Max?” I would ask when he would ask me how many more bites he had to take. “Does your stomach feel empty, like it has a little food in it, or like it is tight and full?” I tried to teach him to notice sensations that would signal that he still needed to eat more or that he’d had enough, in hopes that he could make a wise choice about how many more bites to take. Quite frankly, this didn’t work, and it became rather comical. Max would say he was full when the foods offered were not his favorites, and he would say he was still hungry even after eating plenty of his favorite foods. A conversation could have gone something like this:

(Max eating soup and crackers)
Max: “How many bites do I have to take before I can be done?”
Me: “Well, Max, why don’t you listen to your body and see what it’s telling you.”
Max: “My body says I’m done.”
Me: “But you’ve only eaten two bites. I think you need to eat some more so that you won’t be hungry at nap time and you will have energy for the rest of the day.”
Max: “My body says ‘stop eating soup! stop eating soup!'”

(Max eating chocolate cake)
Max: “Can I have some more cake?”
Me: “Max, you’ve already had a big piece, why don’t you listen to your body and see what it’s telling you.”
Max: “My body says ‘more cake, more cake!'”

As funny as these statements are coming from a 2-year-old, it actually provides an unfiltered look at our brain’s primitive pleasure center and how it influences food intake.

Palatability usually overrides satiety, so that even if we are physically full, we still want to continue eating a highly pleasurable food (hence, “my body says ‘more cake, more cake!'”). And unless we are famished, lack of palatabilty can override hunger (hence, “my body says ‘stop eating soup!'”) A 2-year-old doesn’t have enough higher brain power to always override these primitive, pleasure-seeking brain signals. Neither does a 5-year-old, a 10-year-old, or a 15-year-old, and even adults with fully developed higher brain centers have trouble resisting tempting food (in the most extreme cases, this takes the form of binge eating).

I think it is highly unfair to kids when their parents keep the house stocked with extremely pleasurable/sugar-laden foods, and let them have free reign of it. They aren’t always going to make a choice to stop when their brains’ say “more sweets, more sweets.” My experience with Max led me to believe that childhood obesity is partially due to parents letting their kids “listen to their bodies” too much in an environment filled with sugary foods. Their bodies are very survival and pleasure oriented, and although they may not binge, they will often reach for the sweets over the healthy choices.

I still want Max to learn to listen to his body, but I also want him to know that he must think too. Now that he is a bit older, I have explained to him that when we eat desert and sugary foods, sometimes our bodies don’t tell us to stop even when we are full (and it’s possible that Max has genes like me that make him susceptible *not destined!* to overeat pleasurable foods). I sometimes set limits on how much desert he can have, and even if he says “my body says more,” I have to tell him no. I try to get him involved in something else so he stops focusing on his desire for more; and sure enough, within a couple minutes he always forgets about the food. I want to teach him that we can’t have everything we desire, and sometimes doing the right thing means temporarily feeling deprived of pleasure (we can’t mistake pleasure for happiness).

One day, when his higher brain centers are developed, I hope this lesson will stick: You don’t always have to listen to your body and brain when you know (with your higher brain centers) that what it’s telling you to do is not right or good for you. This lesson doesn’t only apply to eating pleasurable foods, but to anything that involves a healthy dose of self-control.

On the flip side, I’m also trying to teach him that just because some foods don’t taste great (like vegetables, in his opinion), he still needs to make a good effort to try them. Also, if he is not hungry at a meal, I certainly don’t force him to eat; but I do make sure he eats something to give him energy to last him until the next meal. Food is fuel and even when the appetite is low for one reason or another, that doesn’t mean we can’t put food in our mouths (except, of course, in cases of illness when eating normally would not be advised). I know I tend to lose my appetite in times of stress, but I still eat normally, even though it may not be as enjoyable to do so. Following the appetite is important, but we need to use our higher brains too when making food choices because sometimes the appetite isn’t completely reliable – especially when bombarded with sugary, highly processed, “addicting” foods.

I’m certainly not saying I’m doing everything right in fostering good eating habits in my children, but I do find it interesting how the brain of a child gives us a glimpse into the adult “animal” brain, which I believe plays a huge role in the development and maintenance of binge eating.

The Anorexic and Bulimic “Voice”

by Kathryn Hansen

It is my belief that in bulimia/BED, the urges to binge are the one and only cause of binge eating. Most of the time, these urges have a “voice” – one that sounds like your own – which strongly encourages the destructive eating behavior. In bulimia/BED, the woman usually views the voice as her enemy; she knows (at least on some level) that the voice is not expressing what she truly wants. In Brain over Binge, I briefly talk about how this situation is sometimes different in anorexia, because many anorexics believe the voice that encourages the destructive eating behavior (restriction/starvation) is expressing what they truly want – to lose weight. I recently came across a summary of a study which aimed to systematically examine this voice in anorexia, and I wanted to share it here along with some insights for binge eaters.

This study aimed to investigate experiences of and reflections on living with an anorexic voice. Participants were invited to write about their anorexic voice in the form of a poem, reflection, letter, or descriptive narrative. The written contributions were then analyzed by researchers. The study found that anorexics bestowed both positive and negative attributes to their anorexic voice; it was found that anorexics viewed the voice more positively in the beginning stages of the disorder and more negatively over time as the disorder developed. The participants felt an affiliation toward the voice, which researchers said could explain their ambivalence to change. The researchers recommended that therapists persist in their endeavors to penetrate the tie between anorexic patients and their anorexic voices.

I think that once the anorexic patient begins to view her anorexic voice negatively in any way, that is the opportunity for the patient to penetrate the tie. Just as in bulimia, the anorexic doesn’t lose volitional control of her actions; she retains the ability to override the anorexic voice. Whereas to stop binge eating, one must not act on the urges to binge; to stop anorexia, one must act (eat) in spite of the urges to starve. She must put food in her mouth despite what that voice is telling her; but to do this, she has to believe (at least on some level) that the voice is wrong. If she thinks that voice is right – if she has an affinity for it – she will continue following it.

Even though individuals with bulimia/BED usually don’t have much trouble viewing their destructive voice as negative, I thought this study could still be useful for binge eaters, especially those who are just learning to separate themselves from their urges to binge. Like the participants in this study, you could write a poem, a reflection, a letter, and/or a descriptive narrative that reflects on your experience with the voice that urges you to binge. Getting to know the voice is helpful in order to recognize the many ways it presents itself. You could write about what you hear (in your head) that encourages you to binge; you could list all the “reasons” the voice gives you to binge; you could describe all the sensations you experience when you hear that voice. It is my hope that in doing this, you will realize that all of this “neurological junk” is not truly you, and you do not have to follow that voice.