Do You Truly Want to Quit?

        Since I wrote Brain over Binge, I’ve noticed that the most common reason people give me for continuing to binge (after reading the book) is that they aren’t sure they really want to quit. Even though they may understand why they binge, even though they can recognize the irrational thoughts of the lower brain; they can’t quite convince themselves to ignore those thoughts, because they feel like they may actually want to keep binge eating.

       If you believe you truly don’t want to quit, you might think there is no line of separation between your higher self and your lower brain; you might have a hard time convincing yourself that the part of your brain urging you to binge isn’t the real you; you might identify with the messages from your lower brain and believe that you want what it wants. In my book, I wrote that I unquestionably agree with traditional therapy on one thing:  the first step in recovery is wanting to recover. Nothing is going to help you quit until you are willing to to stand up against what afflicts you. Others can educate you about the dangers of your behavior, they can help support you in your decision to quit, they can give you tools to use for when you decide to quit; but they cannot make the decision for you. You have to make that decision for yourself. The problem with traditional therapy is, once a patient wants to quit, she is put through a long, complex, and unnecessarily difficult recovery process that often doesn’t lead to a cessation of binge eating. 

         Wanting to recover doesn’t mean you have to be unwaveringly certain about it at every moment, especially in the beginning. But, it does mean you have to have some sense that you do not want to continue down your current path. I tend to believe that anyone who has read my book or any other eating disorder recovery book, or anyone who has sought out therapy or OA, or any other form of treatment for their eating disorder does not truly want to keep binge eating. If you truly wanted to keep up your behavior, why would you even bother trying to help yourself? Yes, there may still be a part of you that wants to binge, but overthinking whether or not you really, really want to recover I think can be unproductive and delay recovery. Binge eating produces harmful, uncomfortable, and shameful effects and that naturally lead to a desire to quit; and if you are reading this, you most likely already have that desire even if you may still doubt it at times. In this post, I’ll address how you might be able to overcome what you perceive as yourself not wanting to quit, and I’ll also give some suggestions for those who absolutely can’t convince themselves that they desire recovery. 

       I believe the most likely reason for feeling like you don’t want to quit is because your lower/animal brain is tricking you into believing that you don’t. A good test to see if this is the case for you is to ask yourself how you feel after a binge. Do you regret it? Do you wish you could go back and make a different choice? Do you feel ashamed of your behavior? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then it was never you that wanted to binge. If you truly wanted to binge, you wouldn’t have regret afterward. You would simply do it, enjoy it, and move on without being affected much at all. I think this is best illustrated by the example of smokers. Some smokers have absolutely no guilt about what they do, and don’t give much of a thought to the health risks. They simply enjoy their cigarettes, without any plans to stop enjoying them. Other smokers seem to resolve to quit daily, and tell themselves that every pack is going to be their last. If the first type of smoker were to receive all the tools he/she needed to quit, it wouldn’t do any good because he/she wouldn’t want to use them.  But the second type of smoker would welcome and benefit greatly from those tools.

       However, even for the smoker who truly wants to quit (and likewise for the binge eater who desires recovery), it isn’t always going to feel like he/she desires recovery.  Sometimes the temptation of a cigarette/binge may take over, and the person will forget why they ever wanted to quit in the first place. This is because of the drive from the lower brain, which can be very deceptive. I know for me, the most intriguing reason my lower brain gave me to binge was that it didn’t matter what part of my brain generated the urges, that I wanted to binge nonetheless. That was the hardest reason to separate myself from, because if I slipped back into believing “I” truly wanted to binge, acting on the urge would have been soon to follow. That’s why I think it’s so important to be able to dismiss ANY thought or feeling encouraging binge eating as the neurological junk that it is. This includes those voices that tell you that it’s worth it, and that it is really you that wants to binge.

       It only makes sense that your lower brain would try to convince you that it is really you who likes and wants to binge.  It feels threatened, and wants you to hold on to the habit for dear life. Remember that the lower brain doesn’t remember pain, so when you are experiencing an urge to binge, you are only going to remember the pleasure of binge eating.  The lower brain won’t remind you of the regret, remorse, guilt, uncomfortable fullness, or the exhaustion of purging; and trying to think about those things when you are experiencing an urge will not convince or deter your lower brain. Your job is only to experience all of that wanting/longing/desire/”logical” reasons for a binge with detachment and without acting on your thoughts/feelings. After the urge subsides, you’ll again realize that you certainly don’t want to binge, and you’ll remember all the reasons why you don’t want to; and you’ll be so glad you weren’t tempted into believing your lower brain.

  
       A reader asked me a great question recently, which was: “Do you believe in stopping acting on the urges to binge before you fully want to?” Simply put, yes; but I’ll explain in a little more detail. First of all, like I explained above, whenever you decide to quit, you will never
 fully want to. There will always be the resistance of the lower brain which wants to cling to the habit/pleasure. Since your urges make you want to binge, you aren’t going to fully want to stop until after you stop, and the urges begin to go away. So, ultimately it can be a matter of taking that leap to stop acting on the urges, and disregarding any thoughts/feelings that tell you that you don’t want to stop; and then, and only then will you realize that you never truly wanted or needed it. 

        For me, the excitement/amazement I felt at finally being able to control my behavior seemed to quickly override any nagging desires to continue the habit. I think this is because I tried to experience any feelings of  not wanting to quit as part of my binge-created brain-wiring problem. Those feelings did not indicate my true feelings, but my lower brain’s. I’ve written this in a previous blog post, but I believe an important thing to remember is that no matter how much you want to quit or how well you separate yourself from the urges; at first, there are going to be times when binge eating seems very appealing. I think it’s important to accept that, and realize that at times, you may indeed feel deprived and unmotivated. However, it’s not really you that’s deprived – you are depriving your lower brain and a life-draining habit, and you are getting stronger with each conquered urge. I believe that once you can get some traction and resist several urges to binge, your desire to put this behind you will eclipse any desire to continue the habit, leaving you wondering why you ever thought you might want to keep binge eating. 
 
        But, what do you do if you’ve tried that and you still feel like you don’t want to quit?  What if you feel you are like the first type of smoker I mentioned – without much regret about your behavior or any real longing to live addiction-free?  If this is the case for you, I have three suggestions.

        First, you could try to take a big leap and quit anyway. Even though you may feel one and the same with the lower brain, you could still ignore any thought encouraging you to binge, knowing that those thoughts will eventually fall silent. Even though you desire to continue binge eating, you still have control of your voluntary muscle movements, and are still capable of not acting on urges to binge. You can tell yourself that yes, right now you do desire to continue binge eating, but you can’t. Feel sorry for yourself for a while if you need to. It’s hard to realize that we can’t have what we desire, whether we are talking about binge eating or other facets of our lives. It’s human nature to have desires, but those desires can’t always be realized, and shouldn’t always be realized. This might seem like a depressing thought to you, but I believe that once some time has gone by, the desire to recover that you didn’t have can appear. You’ll realize how much time and money you wasted by being caught up in binge eating, and as the urges fade, you’ll realize that the pleasure you got from it was never worth it anyway. It’s like walking away from a bad relationship even though you truly love the person. It takes courage, strength, and it hurts; but you soon realize you are better off without that person in your life.
     
        My second suggestion is to seek “readiness” therapy
  to try to find that desire to quit within yourself. As I mentioned in Ch. 35, “Bridges to Traditional Therapy,” psychodynamic therapy could possibly be used for this purpose. My book is truly intended for people who realize they have a problem and want to recover from it—or, at least, part of them wants to recover. But for those who do not feel any pull toward recovery, who are complacent in their behavior, who don’t have any desire to give it up – the separation between the self and the binge-created brain-wiring problem is irrelevant. Psychodynamic therapy could help someone find a spark of the true self who wants to recover.

        I’m not talking about “finding the true self” in the sense of becoming fulfilled and developing a cohesive identity prior to stopping binge eating, because this could put off recovery for a very long time. I’m talking about using therapy as a way to catch a glimpse of a part of yourself that wants to move on. Therapy isn’t the only avenue to help you find this part of yourself. Finding things you enjoy that are incompatible with binge eating may help, volunteering to help those less fortunate than you also many help you realize a bigger picture, or reflecting on your life and creating goals for the future might give you a desire to let go of your problem. The catch in this is: why would someone go to therapy or do anything to find the desire to quit if they don’t think they’ll ever want to quit?  Like the previous suggestion, it would take courage and strength to begin trying to find that desire despite your doubts.
       

     My last suggestion is to realize you do have free choice. I would never recommend that someone continue to binge, but I do not agree with the way traditional eating disorder and addiction treatment today tends to label people with disorders/diseases when they actually have no desire to quit and are exercising free choice. As Jack Trimpey says in Rational Recovery, “self-intoxication is a basic freedom, an individual liberty.” (RR, pg. 59). Rational Recovery takes a more hard-hitting approach toward those who don’t want to quit, which I needed at the time I read it. I needed someone to tell me that if I wanted to keep doing it, I could, but I could no longer hide behind a “disease” label or the idea that I needed to sort out a lot of other problems before I could quit. If I were to continue to binge because I wanted to, that would be my choice, and I would have to own it. 

       There were countless eating disorder resources that told me otherwise – that told me it wasn’t a choice, that I was diseased, that I was justified to continue binge eating because it was serving a purpose in my life/helping me cope with problems/fulfilling my unmet emotional needs. When I believed those things, it did make me feel a little better about myself for continuing to binge because I felt less culpable, but what did that get me?  Learning all the ways I was justified to continue binge eating didn’t do anything to take the binge eating away, and binge eating made me miserable. It was better to take a one-time ego hit and realize that I was responsible, and then accept that responsibility to quit – even if there were times when I didn’t quite feel like I wanted to.   

30 thoughts on “Do You Truly Want to Quit?

  1. I an now on my sixth day binge free and using your book as my guide and this is the longest I have made it. I am glad you wrote about wanting to quit, I have asked myself these hard questions the last few years as I attended therapy sessions and got no better. Now I think I was also focusing on the wrong things.

    I do wonder if the urge to diet is the same as the urge to binge. I ate out tonight at a friends birthday and ate my non safe foods. I am so worried about being triggered to binge that I am afraid of my safe foods, I feel urges to diet. Will that go away too? The anxiety the unsafe food causes we, I am afraid I will want more and more of it.

    1. Good job on the 6 days! I hope things are still going well.

      About your question, I do think anxiety about eating “unsafe” foods will go away as eating those foods stops triggering urges to binge. This doesn’t mean you won’t ever want another bite/piece/serving of something yummy, it just means you’ll feel that you are fully in control of how much you choose to have. I addressed some of my experiences with eating former binge foods/”unsafe” foods in Ch. 31 (Normal Eating) in the section titled “Brain Power.”

      About urges to diet, I do think those can sometimes be harder to let go of than urges to binge, because urges to diet can feel ego-syntonic to some people (in line with what the true self wants). But, I think as you prove to yourself that you can eat your former binge foods and remain in control, it can automatically reduce your desire to diet. Knowing you aren’t going to go overboard when you eat those foods can make avoiding them altogether seem pointless.

      In other words, your desire to diet may only be there because it’s a way you were compensating for eating too much of your unsafe foods. You may want to go back and read Ch. 36 on Purging, because I talk about how I sometimes had automatic urges to exercise after eating my former binge foods (similar to urges to diet). It might apply to what you are experiencing.

      Hope this helps!

    2. Thanks Kathryn for the reply and the book. So far so good, intact with this knowledge I really don’t think I will ever binge again and I have had an eating disorder most of my adult life. I never thought I would recover and I was told I would be in recovery for years which was depressing and exhausting. I have already sensed a huge reduction in my urges to binge and now it’s just the anxiety about food and losing weight but I am dealing with it . I really feel like I could be done with the binge eating and I felt so hopeless a few months ago and now I am going on weeks without this. I bought your book out of desperation and I have almost every book on eating disorders there is. I didn’t expect much from any of them anymore but now hopefully yours is the last eating disorder book I will ever need.

      Thank you for this and I hope others read it too.

    3. That’s great news. I hope resisting binges is becoming effortless; and I hope without that habit, you are better able to overcome your anxiety about food/weight. Congrats to you for your success thus far.

  2. Thanks for another great post!

    I am a new nurse studying for my nursing board exam and when I’m studying, occasionally a bulimia or anorexia question will pop up asking about what a patient needs to recover. The right answer for bulimia is always something along the lines of “therapy, a lifelong committment to preventing relapse and working on body image”. Whenever I see this I know it’s actually wrong, because after reading your book I truly believe that bulimia is just a very bad habit, that can be broken. I really do not think people need to spend years and years in therapy or work on their body image in order to recover. Every single person struggles with body image and you do not need to “love your body” in order to quit binge eating. The only reason I struggled with bulimia for 2 years and found it so hard to quit is because each time I binged I made the habit stronger and stronger. 2 years ago I never binged or purged so why would I need a “lifelong recovery”? It just doesn’t make sense. Once the habit is quit for good I know I won’t have any urges to binge, just like I didn’t 2 years ago before this horrible habit started.

    I am about to start my new job next week as a pediatric nurse and some of my patients will be teenagers admitted for eating disorders who have electrolyte imbalances/dehydration. For the ones that are suffering from bulimia, I am definitely going to suggest your book to them. (well, only to the ones that truly want to recover– don’t think it would help a patient who didn’t want to)

    Tip for readers who are still struggling: When experiencing an urge to binge, I have found it useful to really focus about how I will feel afterward… stuffed, sick, guilty, ashamed, depressed, and a migraine the whole next day. Even though my lower brain really wants to experience the pleasure, I find that if my higher brain focuses on the after consequences and how miserable I will feel, it’s enough to turn my focus away from my urge. And then 20 minutes later, I am so happy that I chose not to binge.

    You should consider putting your book out to libraries… to spread the word! I think it would reach more people that way.. just a suggestion :)

    Sorry for the long post! I am just really passionate about this subject.

    1. This is a great reply; I resonate with a lot of it, particularly the part about life-long therapy certainly not being necessary. I have been totally therapied-out, and I truly believe that all the therapy I had actually made me believe I had more problems than I did. It’s just now, at 31, that I’ve gone back in my mind and realized that my family is amazing, my childhood was exceptional, my self-esteem is great, and my life is good. I think I knew that all along, but just got myself duped into thinking otherwise, because in therapy, you talk about “problems” and you put energy onto the negatives which only feeds them and makes them bigger in your mind.

      I also agree that this book needs to go out to libraries. And Eating Disorder therapy and outpatient clinics. And hospitals. And schools. And And And And And.

      Kathryn, I really enjoyed this article. I’m so happy I’ve found your work!

      Julie

    2. Trisha,
      Congrats on the new job. That’s great, and I’m sure you’ll make a difference in a lot of people’s lives. Having kids of my own and taking them to doctors/hospitals, I know how important good pediatric nurses are – it can make all the difference in the child’s and parent’s comfort. So, thanks for doing good work for kids:-)

      Even though I believe traditional therapy is misguided on so many things, it’s obvious that medical intervention in treating eating disorders is often vital. If the patient is severely dehydrated/malnourished/emaciated, the brain is not going to be working properly and it will be unable to process any form of information on recovery. Your work in helping to stabilize patients is so important so that they can then begin focusing on what they need to do to recover.

      Thanks for the suggestion to get the book in libraries. It’s hard to explain in a short post, but basically, without a major publisher, this is not an easy task. The book is currently only in about 15 libraries nationwide. I tried to simply donate the books to several libraries a while back, but they unfortunately did not end up on bookshelves. I’ll try to work harder in this area and see what I can do.

      I hope you enjoy your new job. Take care.

    3. Hi Julie,
      Thanks for writing and for your kind comments about the book and this post. I really appreciate that.

      I can relate to a lot of what you said about therapy making your problems seem bigger in your mind. I don’t think therapists should minimize people’s problems by any means, but patients (eating disordered or not) shouldn’t be directed to put their energy into the negatives.

  3. Thanks so much! This post is what I just needed. I love your posts, keep them coming. The time you spent talking to us is very well appreciated.

  4. What a great post! I think this is a very relevant topic in recovery. Remembering why we want to be healthy and giving excuses to ourselves to binge b/c our brains are so used to the pleasure derived from binging immediately afterward is not okay. The more persistent we are, the more the urges will dissipate.

    I’m also in healthcare and I agree with the post above…more people in the medical field needs to read this book and understand that those of us who have suffered from this terrible cycle of binge eating. To answer questions on a board exam that are ‘correct’ for the sake of passing the exam when we truly know the answers are wrong is mind-blowing .

    1. Thanks for your insightful comments.

      This makes me think of an Abnormal Psychology course I took in college (when I was bulimic). We we had an entire unit devoted to eating disorders. I remember nodding in agreement with everything my professor said about what causes and maintains eating disorders, and I got every single question right on the test. If I could go back, I’d probably receive a failing grade.

      Fortunately, eating disorders are now being explored with neurological research; but I am unsure that will change anything anytime soon. I also think that whatever brain differences have and will be found run the risk of giving more fuel to the “disease” model of eating disorders and more excuses to the binge eater. If eating disorder patients are seen as victims of their own brains, then will they really believe they have the power to recover? Will psychotropic drugs be seen as necessary and be relied upon more and more? Those are just some of the questions that will come up as more scientific research emerges.

  5. I’ve been binge-eating for 4 years. The first year was the worst and I gained from 90 to 125lbs. I then slowly got to 115lbs in the 2nd year, while still binging almost every day. Once a month, I would successfully have a 3-day binge-free period, only to ruin that with huger binges thereafter. In the 3rd year, I got to 112lbs. Recently, I managed to get to 102lbs but have started even huger binges than ever. I’m so sick of binge-eating. The last 2 days, I’ve eaten 6000kcal. I wish I understood this whole cycle. I’ve evaluated my feelings, reasons for binge-eating, patterns etc. but the cycle simply comes back when it wishes too. All I wish for now is to stop binge-eating. To hell with the weight. I’m happy at 100-odd lbs and I’m slim already. I just can’t wait for bloody binge-eating to stop.

    1. I am sorry you are struggling with this, but it’s great that you are so motivated to stop. Like you, I also evaluated feelings/reasons for binge eating/patterns etc… but it did no good. I’m not sure if you’ve read my book or not, but in it, I explain why I believe those things did not work for me and so many others, and I offer an alternative perspective on the binge/purge cycle. Here is a book summary if you think it’s something that might help you: http://www.brainoverbinge.com/Pages/sitemap.aspx .

  6. Thank you for this post is helping me so much. I do not have words to say thank you again for let me know what is really happening with me. After I read your book I have a lot of answers for this cycle of nightmares. I´m from Brazil and since I moved to US I have been fighting with eating disorder. When I got here I lost weight for been living in a different culture but after months I gained more pounds that I expected eating snacks all the days and fat meals, and then I did a restrictive diet that make me start the binge bulimic cycle. I´m in my five days over binge, I tried the 3 last weeks but I failed.
    My lower brain is tricking saying that I never will come back with my good and old brain patterns, I read about the researches in your book but what come in my mind is that I will feel starving forever. I experienced few times how is feel full and satisfied in this days over binge but at the most time after a regular meal I feel that I still really hungry and never full enough and I cannot stop. This is terrible for me because I always used to fell full quickly. It was so good the sensation of not been hungry. But I´m trying to take care of my “diet”, I am learning how to eat in a different country. Meditation and breathing exercises are helping me to go out and do not react of this kind of bad waves. I cannot wait for eat and fell full like I always did. I have been living this cycle for 9 months and I am completely tired. thanks for everything! any kind of advice will be amazing for me.

    1. Hi anabellisboa,
      I am sorry you are struggling with this. It has to be very difficult to adjust to eating in a completely different culture, and I admire your courage for working to overcome your eating problems.

      I think learning to eat normally after binge eating stops is a challenge for many people, and possibly much more so than it was for me. This is why I mentioned that some people may want to use meal plans (and possibly consult a nutritionist) if they feel it’s necessary at first. I do realize that some binge eaters may struggle with figuring out how to eat normally; and since I am not a nutritional expert or medical doctor, I don’t claim to have all the answers in that area.

      That being said, I can give you a few things to think about in relation to what you are experiencing.

      First of all, I do think it’s important to make sure you are eating enough and nourishing your body well. You are probably already doing that, and even if that is the case; the feelings of always being hungry might still be your survival instincts at work. After someone has been on a restrictive diet, the brain can encourage the person to eat abnormal amounts in order to store up food/fat in case of another bout of starvation. This can go on for a while after the dieting stops. As your body/brain get the message that you are no longer starving, this should regulate itself.

      Furthermore, the stomach has a network of receptors that – when the stomach is stretched – signal the brain that fullness has been achieved. Prolonged periods of overeating/binge eating can make those receptors less sensitive, so that a normal quantity of food no longer makes you feel full. I definitely experienced that problem, but it didn’t take long to normalize as eating normal quantities became habit.

      I would encourage you to be patient with this; but if some time goes by without binge eating or restrictive dieting, and the feelings of never being full don’t gradually go away, you might want to consider some form of nutritional counseling, or try to look into metabolic issues that could be leaving your hungry all of the time.

      I hope this helps a little. Thanks for posting.

  7. Hi Kathryn,
    I just came across your website and for the first time I don’t feel like there is something wrong with me!! It’s a harmful habit I’ve been struggling with for about 2 years and I’m sooo done with it! And I know it started during a time when I had no control over my life and so bulmia became my way of having some sort of control I guess. I moved thinking I could run away from it. It’s better but I have my days. It’s difficult that my career requires thinness, and ive never had issues with my body till this started. And since people have told me I’m heavy and now that is even a trigger for me and I can’t seem to get those comments out if my head! Any advice would be really appreciated! And thank you for reaching out and helping, it’s hard to talk to family about these matters
    ~B

    1. Hi B,
      Thanks for writing. I’m glad my website helped you realize this is a habit you can overcome, and I truly hope you have much success. I can imagine it being very difficult to be in a career which requires thinness.

      Something important for you to remember might be that bulimia is completely ineffective as any sort of weight loss or weight maintenance strategy. Some people might lose weight initially when they start purging, but it’s not sustainable in the long run because the body fights against it (by sending out more binge urges, and by slowing down metabolism). Furthermore, any form of purging does not even come close to getting rid of all the calories from a binge; so someone who binges/purges actually absorbs more calories in a day than if he/she were to simply eat a normal diet.

      Although everyone who quits might experience some weight fluctuations in the beginning, recovery doesn’t make your weight skyrocket out of control; and very often recovery leads to weight loss in the long term. It might be important to keep those things in mind if some of your thoughts are telling you that you need to maintain bulimia for thinness/your career. You might also find my “Weight after Recovery” post helpful (http://brainoverbinge.blogspot.com/2012/05/weight-after-recovery.html).

      It’s sad to me that people have told you that you are heavy. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, we can’t all fit into a certain mold of perfection. If the career you have now is what you truly desire or what you need to do, I hope you are able to keep things in perspective and realize that body shape/weight aren’t the most important things in a person and ignore anyone who judges you that way.

  8. Hello. I want to thank you for this particular blog entry. My lower brain had pretty much convinced me I really didn’t want to stop, but after reading this entry I’m sure I DO despite what my lower brain says.

  9. Kathryn, your points are absolutely spot on! I’ve been 100% binge free for almost 4 months now since using your book. Thank you for writing the book and sharing. I am telling everyone I know who has a binge eating problem like I had to read this book.

    1. Thanks so much Alen! Congrats on your success quitting binge eating. I hope that after 4 months, being binge-free is completely effortless. I truly appreciate you recommending my book to others.

  10. Thank you, thank you.. and a thousand a times thank you.

    After be anorexic for almost four years now I am exprimenting a binge period and your blog, especially this post have given a bit of hope to me.

    Maybe I am able to recover after all..

  11. I’m having a difficult time not following my urges to binge. It’s upsetting and tearing me apart, because I know FULLY well that I don’t want to keep binge eating. It’s made me gain so much weight in a year and caused me to lose relationships and remain stagnant (or even deteriorate) in other areas of my life – and this has to stop.

    I have read your book, and it’s SO helpful. It’s amazing and so mind-opening, however I’m upset with myself that I still can’t find the strength to say no to the binges. I always cave, and it’s progressed. From binging just a couple times a week, I now binge everyday. I’m worried. But I’ll still keep trying.

    1. I’m sorry you are struggling. Please don’t be upset with yourself about it, because that’s not going to be helpful. Being angry/discouraged only causes you to”fight” the urges more, when you really want to be turning attention away from them.

      As of right now, you haven’t been able to detach from the urges, but that’s okay; it doesn’t mean you have failed in any way. My “Tips for Beginners” post might be of some use to you, if you haven’t already seen it (http://brainoverbinge.blogspot.com/2012/06/tips-for-beginners.html) .

      For some, learning to detach from urges is a more gradual process. It may take getting to know your urges a little better so you can recognize them sooner, and it might require some patience with yourself.

  12. I have read this blog entry over and over. This is where I struggle the very most. I understand the book and the steps and “know” what to do but when the urge strikes I think : “ok, I can do the steps I’m supposed to and ignore this urge but maybe I’ll start that “work” next time I have an urge and go ahead and act on this one just one more time because I really really want to and I’ll actual apply the steps and work at it “next” time one comes on”. Sheesh! So it’s almost like I know I shouldn’t act on the urge and I certainly want to quit because I have extreme guilt afterwards yet I have this sickness of wanting to get “just one more” binge in before I really start the program. Of course this goes on and on and on….

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